The Mac Jargon Dictionary

[mdnky]

Software: Embarrassing situation, often curable with Viagra.

Java: A substance (many think god's greatest gift) which fights attacks of sleepiness, uncontrolable eye shutting, and the evil .Net. (note: New extremists may chant All hail Starbucks, all hail Sun in rapid suscession.)

iMovie: Sesame Street's latest children's movie, about the letter I.

[mdnky]

Rendezvous: Application which assists in secret meetings, often of the pleasurable kind.

[Cat]

iBook: 1) Comfy @$$ shaped cushion you get for free when booking a long plane voyage (typically on a 7455 or 7457).
2) (also IceBook) coolbox

IceBook: Recipe book for original Italian Vanilla Ice (the preferred flavor of ninja rappers).

Cube: see iToaster

iToaster device than can sync with any Mac on the internet and use their collective power to produce a perfect toast while reading your e-mail for the day.

970: Mythical monstruous creature with 970 heads come to terrorise all 'power'Mac users and scare them, preventing them to buy a new Mac.

7457: Chipset used by terrorists to attack the Dual Towers.

Rumor Sites: Decoy agents making a helluva noise while Macmeister Steve implements innovations quietly in the background.

[adambyte]

Superdrive: Results of Viagra in which Software turns to Firmware, and finally, Hardware.

Microsoft: See "Bill Gates"

[symphonix]

PowerMac: Eight all beef patties, special sauce ... you get the picture.

Power Supply: Cheesy eighties rock band famous for the hit "I can't function without your lovin'"

Pixel: Tiny little man who lives inside the computer.

[mdnky]

SCSI: Die-hard mac user who never showers.

Modem: Ancient device that allowed pre-historic computer users to access the internet at the speed of the common land turtle.

Xserve: Excellent tennis serve.

Final Cut: What every wife that found out the husband was cheating wants to do.

Final Cut Pro: Loranna Bobbit

Apple Care: Monthly wash, wax, and polish.

Pentium: See snail.

Snail: Slow, inefficent creature.

Jaguar: Cat who eats Cows for breakfast, then busts through windows and attack the Gates-farmer for desert.

Quicktime: Male in need of Viagra or other medicine for personal problem, see before mentioned Hardware, Software, Firmware.

[mdnky]

Megapixel: Similar to pixel, Tiny little man who lives inside the computer, but works out constantly with a Bowflex machine.

Gigaflop: 250 pound person in diving (belly-flop) contest.

Teraflop: 500 pound person in diving (belly-flop) contest.

Petraflop: Rosanne in diving (belly-flop) contest.

UNIX: New brand of ultra powerfull, fast, dependable, stable, secure car. Think Hummer meets BMW meets Rolls Royce meets F18 meets Ft. Knox.

LINUX: Similar to UNIX, but less refined and can be found for free. Think Chevy Truck meets Cadillac meets P52 Mustang meets Pentagon.

Switch: Action that when done will cause a major relief of stress, increase productivity, and make the world a safer, more secure, and better place.

Bill Gates: Lucifer, Satan, The Dark Angel. Also, see Pond Scum.

[symphonix]

Linux: Having read all the information, its obviously got something to do with ... err ... militant penguins invading and overthrowing Microsoft. Weird.

Man Pages: Software for organising all the smut that's in your hard-drive.

Hard Drive: He he he ... Too obvious!

Carbon: That gunk that gets stuck inside those mice with the little ball thingy.

Carbonised: What Jabba the Hutt did to Han Solo.

Titanium: When it was released it was the largest laptop ever. On its maiden voyage across the Atlantic, though, it hit an iceberg and sank. (Some historians suggest it might have sunk anyway)

17-inch PowerBook: Makes any PC-Laptop users in the vicinity feel very inadequate. See the article "Does Size Matter?" in the girly magazine database.