SERIOUS!!! I need input.

[PCSMASHER]

Has anyone ever dealt with addiction? Not of A MAC either...I deal with that all the time. I am talking about drug addiction. I have been dealing with getting my wife in to a detox. This is a really trying time in life and I would like to know if anyone else has gone through this and could let me know what they did to help with the pain. She went in on 3-8-02 and I am there every chance I get. Even though it is only 2 hrs a day it is just a terrible thing to work on.


Any advice that anyone has would be greetly appreciated.


Thanks
PC

[CloudNine]

I'm no expert...

*shrug*

I only know about the nature of addiction through amateur psychology and physical study, literature and film that dramatize clinical extremes, and a distant uncle or two that has a history of substance abuse. What I do know is that addiction is a very complex, multidimensional ordeal, varying from person to person, drug to drug, condition to condition.

The good thing is that the road to her recovery has begun by you getting her into detox, but it can't stop there since many addicts will visit detox more than once if they don't get additional help. It is imperative that treatment continues with personal, family, and/or relationship counseling. If this particular clinic doesn't have such components, ask for referrals.

This is because of course, as you said yourself, these are trying times, and most addicts and their loved ones feel awkward and disparaged about going back home and trying to either return to normal or begin anew. Seeking professional counseling is not something one should ever feel ashamed of. A "shrink's" methods to thought and resolution are quite organized and very effective.

The best thing you can do now is keep giving her love, support, and reassurance. Also, educating yourself on what addiction really is and how she is affected is going to be a big help in soothing your own anxieties and understanding her and the situation better.

"Addiction is not an aberration from our way of life, addiction is our way of life." -- Stanton Peele

Changes this big never come easy, but recovery is possible with that same motivation and strength of will that gives us the power of making right choices and getting back on our feet. I feel that the healing process will benefit you both greatly.

I leave you with a couple links for further inquiry...

http://www.atforum.com/
http://www.addictionresourceguide.com/

Wishing the best of health to you both.

[edX]

Cloudnine said most of it exceptionally well. i would add that this might be a good time for you to seek therapeutic help as well. coming to understand who you are and the role you play in her addictions is important.

it is hard to offer much more help without knowing the specifics of addiction. despite some programs' philosophies that all addictions are the same, that is most likely not the case. It makes a difference how you treat it whether it is alcohol, herion, crack, cocaine, speed, downers, etc. the drug of choice is often a clue as to what the person is trying to escape or what pain they are trying to numb.

public forums like these are not the place for you or anyone else to air all the details of serious problems like this. too many people simply don't understand the gravity of the issue. but reaching out and seeking help and education is certainly the right thing to do. there are many resources available in most large cities. contact your community mental health dept. for a list.

a personal piece of advice that comes from my heart - ultimatums are not something i normally tolerate in any relationship. but often they are necessary when dealing with someone who continues to put their drugs above a relationship. she will never change until she is ready, rehab or not. sometimes people need to find out that they have a reason to change. being loved is often that reason. and if she doesn't love you enough to make the comitment to sobriety, then you may have to think about yourself and whether you are willing to put up with her lifetime's worth of pain. I am not saying you leave her the first time she fails, for she will surely fail at some point. But learn to set boundries that protect you and keep from enabling her. good professional help should aid you in this.

also, I am a recovered alcoholic and ex drug user. it took a lot for me to wake up and get clean and sober. i did it on my own. i am one of the rare ones. I have friends who have been to AA et al, and have also found their way back. no one way works for everybody. and if one way doesn't work, then try another. It is not going to be about what you believe, but about what feels right to her. but any way that is succesful will involve her facing her demons and taking control of them, rather than letting them control her.

i send you my blessings of love and hope that the real healing has begun.

[PCSMASHER]

Cloudnine... Thanks for the links
Ed..... Thanks for the insight

And thanks to the both of you for understanding.

PC

[bighairydog]

I've never been involved in a drug addiction situation, but I have had a close friend go through anorexia, which I understand is similar in many respects.

My two cents are firstly, like CloudNine said, emotional support is the most important thing you can give. Secondly, trust the experts/doctors etc... They usually know what is best.

good luck for you both

Bernie :o)

[tagliatelle]

I am not a druguser but I have had that my personal driver at work has got cancer from smoking.

[chemistry_geek]

CloudNine and Ed Spruiell gave excellent advice. I would like to add that addiction usually has a biological predisposition. Whatever psychological stresses drove her to turn to drugs should be dealt with such that she will need to know that she doesn't need to use them again as an escape or way of dealing with those stresses. She needs your love and support as well as professional counceling so that she is educated about different and more effective ways to handle stress. The point I think is most important for her and you after she leaves the hospital is a really good support network: YOU, her family, friends, whoever she needs that will foster a safe and healthy (physical and emotional) life style. If she has friends who are also addicted, the doctors and/or councelors may recommend that she not associate with them anymore. I wish you well with your wife's treatment.

[PCSMASHER]

I would like everyone that replied to this original thread to know that things are going great. My wife is doing much better and I thank all of you for the support.



The support of strangers is better than no support at all.

WE are on the road to recovery. She is doing what she needs to do to be clean.... and I am doing what I need to do to learn that I am my own person and that I cannot change what she or other people do. All I can do is change myself.


Thank you for letting me vent my problems that are troubling our family at this time in our lives.

PC