Dear macosx.com Therapist,

[Trip]

In this thread you can complain to, ask of, question, or just sit and let your hearts questions go. Questions dealing with life, liberty, and the persuit of happiness. Other members will answer your question, share their opinion on your thought, or just sit and stare at you. I'll start us off with another one of my ever-so-rare girl questions:

How do you know the difference between flirtting and talking?

[xaqintosh]

you don't

j/k, I have no idea

[Matrix Agent]

There are two answers:

The hard answer: practice, practice, practice.

The easy (easier) answer: watch for changes in mood. If this is someone you see often, watch if they are all of a sudden putting a lot of emotional weight on what you say and do. Then again, that could also be a sign of a good friend, but I'll leave that up to you. If a girl likes to laugh at what you would ordinarily deem a very stupid joke, or is all of a sudden making up a lot of inside jokes with you, you may be on to something. With a stranger, its a little harder, since you don't know their personality and therefore do not know what is out of character for them. If you get the sense that a girl is going out of their way to talk or be with you, then you've got soemthing. Gut feeling can very very important. Even easier is if you're out and meet a stranger. If you strike up a conversation and feel that it has gone well, you can always leave a # and then leave. She'll call if she wants to, and the pressure's off you. Of course, you'll make sure that you're within 15 feet of a phone for four days straight, but it can be worth it.

Thats a summary of my experience. If you could go a little more in depth with this scenario, if it is actually a distinct person you are talking about, then I'm sure a lot of members could be very helpful. I'm curious to see what Ed has to sayu about this, not because he's a therapist of sorts , but because he's kind of the "father" figure around here.

[edX]

*ed hobbles in on his cane, sits in the rocking chair and begins to recollect about the women in his life...remembers that isn't the subject and ....*

like Phil said, this isn't going to be a therapist type answer. more the shared experience of a guy who had a horrible time with women till he was about 17 and then read the book "how to pick up women" (for real ).

first, phil's advice is pretty good. except i would never give a girl my number and expect her to call. i would get her number and call her in a day or 2. If she gives you the number she is definitly interested in you for some reason. it still could be as friends though.

one good indication i found is that a girl who is flirting will tend to touch you physically. this can be a bit confusing with younger girls who still haven't figured out the effect/affect physical contact has on males, but for most girls this is true. another good indication is her eyes. if she is flirting she will either tend to stare at you or to consciously avoid eye contact. a friend will casually make eye contact and then shift away and then make eye contact and then look away, etc. a girl with an interest in you will either want you to know or will look quite awkward trying to keep you from knowing.

this may sound hard to believe, but girls have all the same fears and confusions about guys. they are also afraid of being rejected and hurt. afraid of being emabarassed or of things not being what they seem with a guy. so unless this is the most popular girl in school, she likely could be interested if she approaches you at all for any reason other than to get you to do her homework for her. the real thing is to be brave enough to be a bit flirtatious yourself. you need to let a girl you are interested in know how you feel. do it nicely and she will feel good about it even if she doesn't feel the same. and believe me the relief of knowing where you stand is better than being in limbo and being self conscious about your every move.

oh, and last thing - flirtation normally uses feeling words and subtle body language. also it contains compliments. if a girl tells you that you are cute or you have nice legs or she "likes" something about you that seems wierd to you, then that is flirting.

warning - teenage girls (well, lots of females of all ages really) sometimes like to flirt for their own gratification. they are interested in getting attention and making themselves feel better. they may have no other interest in the male they are talking to beyond that. flirting doesn't always mean something else is in the possible future. so again, being clear on how you feel is the best solution. the more you do this, the better feel you will get for what is really going on with women.

and trip - don't get too hung up worrying about high school girls. once you get to college, women are slightly more mature and easier to deal with. high school is a great time to make lots of mistakes. chances are you'll never see 90% of these girls again after HS, except for reunions. at which point they will all be interested if you have learned to apply all you learned from them. (or you'll be happily settled with a woman who doesn't treat you like they did and can just laugh at them)

oh, and never discount the advantages of friendship. being friends with a girl will get you access to their friends. plus many great relationships start as friends and then develop into something else.

[Shifting]

ooh, a thread about talking to girls! i love these sorta threads.

Originally posted by Ed Spruiell
If she gives you the number she is definitly interested in you for some reason.

true......BUT.....i've gotten too many fake phone numbers that way. and it's not like i hit on tons of chicks, either. i've had women approach me, we hit it off, and then i get her number and it winds up being fake. sad but true. i'm starting to think that there is a growing population of sadistic women out there. either that or i just have rotten luck.

anyways, carry on, i dig this kinda discussion.

[Matrix Agent]

true......BUT.....i've gotten too many fake phone numbers that way. and it's not like i hit on tons of chicks, either. i've had women approach me, we hit it off, and then i get her number and it winds up being fake. sad but true. i'm starting to think that there is a growing population of sadistic women out there. either that or i just have rotten luck.

You and Ed are right, my advice wasn't flexible enough. I'm thinking of the HS sort of scene, but I could certainly imagine that happening at a bar, or soem kind of other "mature" place. It's 6:23 AM here, so I'm going to stop thinking.

[Inline_guy]

I always flirt with women. I think it is just great fun. But it can also be a problem. Because they always think I am interested. Why is that bad. Two reasons :: a.) they think I like them, but they don't like me and then they get stand-off-ish for fear of hurting my feelings, b.) they fall in love with me and then I have to explain that I am gay and it just will not work.

But after response a.) and or b.) subside I am left with this really neat flirty relationship. And I kind of like that.

Matthew

[Shifting]

Originally posted by Matrix Agent
You and Ed are right, my advice wasn't flexible enough. I'm thinking of the HS sort of scene, but I could certainly imagine that happening at a bar, or soem kind of other "mature" place. It's 6:23 AM here, so I'm going to stop thinking.

haha. yeah it is pretty late/early.

anyways, well i can only relate to the bar scene. personally i wouldn't trust high school girls at all, but that's just me.

but what i said in my previous post, that's happened to me at bars. a girl will approach me, we'll hit it off, i'll buy her a drink(s), we'll talk for an hour, and then she'll give me a fake number. i just don't get it. what, is messing with me worth a free drink and little bit of attention? i don't think so.....so like i said, i think there are a growing number of sadistic women out there. there's just no other explanation.