Crazy Apple Rumors

[eric2006]

Has anyone ever heard of www.crazyapplerumors.com ? If not, you should check it out. They have some pretty funny articles, such as:

Upcoming Video iPod Not The Video iPod.

Extremely disappointing news has reached the Crazy Apple Rumors Site headquarters today as sources indicated that the upcoming iPod announcement will not be that of the true video iPod as expected, but another pretend video iPod.

As educated Apple followers will know, the “video” iPod that was released in October was not the true video iPod. October’s faux “video” iPod is really nothing more than a resized photo iPod with a larger hard drive and certain added capabilities.

Such as the ability to play video.

The true video iPod - predicted by rumor sites since the Clinton administration - will be a video powerhouse of untold video power featuring a video screen of gigantic iPod porportions with enhanced video graphics and, most importantly, the ability to play video.
Totally different iPod.

Quite possibly it will also feature free high-speed wireless downloading of movies currently in the theater, force feedback for the Brickles game, free pie and an optional laser cannon for you to use to smite your enemies. These remain unconfirmed, however.
Crazy Apple Rumors Site is advising readers to not be fooled by whatever pretender to the throne of the one true video iPod Apple trots out later this week. Wait for the real thing which Apple will almost certainly announce next month or the month after or sometime during the Time of the Lawgiver when apes rule the Earth.

That’s supposed to be around 2050.

The one, true video iPod’s appearance will be notable for causing Apple fans to experience:

Weakness in the knees
Visions of a chorus of angels sounding upon high
A damp, squishy feeling in the loins
Stigmata

Rest assured that rumor sites will let you know when the one true video iPod has arrived.

or

Macs Just As Vulnerable To Wolverine Attack.

A disturbing report was released today by computer security research firm Computer Security Research Inc. indicating that - despite the belief held by most Mac users that their computers are nigh invulnerable - Macs are just as likely to suffer wolverine attack as computers running Windows.

“This is very disappointing to me as a technology professional and as a Mac user,” said Infoworld’s Tom Yager.

“In the Windows world,” Yager said, “you can’t have your machine on for more than thirty seconds before it’s ground to a halt by spyware, pop-ups, viruses and packs of vicious wolverines.

“I’d hate to think that that could happen to my Mac.”

Sadly, Computer Security Research’s report was not just academic. Christian Arner of Saskatchewan, Canada, is one Mac user who was able to provide first-hand information.

“Yep,” Arner said nodding gravely to a pile of shredded white plastic. “Wolverines ate my iMac.”

After five minutes of nodding and sipping his Molson, Arner added

“Wouldn’t touch my iPod Hi-Fi, though they did spray it real good.”

Laurent Marteau, CEO of OS X virus protection maker Intego, announced today that his firm will bring a whole new line of anti-wolverine devices to the Mac.

“We’re currently looking into a variety of designs,”

Marteau said hesitantly.

“Like, um… wolverine… uh… repellent… and, um…

“Well, to tell the truth, right now we’re just reading up on wolverines. We don’t have them here in France.

“Are they anything like poodles? So far we’ve just been testing with
poodles.”

Shown a picture of a wolverine, Marteau cried out.

“Hol-y crap!” he exclaimed. Turning to the door to a back room, Marteau shouted “Henri! Nous avons besoin d’un crapload de pièges avec les petite dents!”

“Aw! Merde!” a voice - presumably that of Henri - replied. “J’ai presque finis les laisse rose!”

A five minute rapid-fire argument ensued in French that Crazy Apple Rumors Site reporters were unable to transcribe, but which left a chastened Henri to the task of constructing un crapload de pièges avec les petite dents.

Until adequate protection can be devised, Apple is advising users to keep their Macs away from arctic regions were the wolverine is primarily found.

Well, I thought they were funny, anyways. There's a ton more at www.crazyapplerumors.com , if you found them funny..

[Trip]

Haha, I've never seen that before! I like the lawsuit article they put up! Good stuff for a quick read.

[symphonix]

I visit the site every couple of months, especially when the rumour mill is driving me a little crazy. They're pretty funny.