Post your BAD M$ joke

[culo77]

Well i hope you get a laugh out of it????

Three women are sitting in a bar talking about their love lives.
The first one says,
"My husband is an architect. When we make love it has power, it has form, it has function. It's incredible!"
The second one says,
"My husband is an artist. When we make love it has passion, it has emotion, it has vision. It's wonderful!"
The third woman sighs and sips her margarita, then says,
"My husband works for Microsoft. When we make love, he just sits at the end of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when it gets here."


Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed


Q. What's the difference between Microsoft Windows and a prostitute?
A. A Microsoft Windows goes down on you for free (and more often)

[wdw_]

Microsoft Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.
The computer was humming, the icons were hopping,
As Papa did last-minute Internet shopping.

The stockings were hung by the modem with care
In hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of computer games danced in their heads.

Quake III for Billy, and Quicken for Dan,
And a Pokemon game for Pamela Ann.
The letters to Santa had been sent out by Mom,
To: santaclaus@toyshop.northpole.com

Which has now been re-routed to Washington State
Because Santa's workshop has been bought by Bill Gates.
All the elves and reindeer have had to skedaddle
To flashy new quarters in suburban Seattle.

After centuries of a life that was simple and spare,
St. Nicholas is suddenly a new billionaire,
With a shiny red Porsche in the place of his sleigh,
And a house on Lake Washington that's just down the way

From where Bill has his mansion. The old fellow preens
In black Gucci boots and red Calvin Klein jeans.
The elves have stock options and desks with a view,
Where they write computer code for Johnny and Sue.
No more dolls or tin soldiers or little toy drums
Will be under the tree, only compact disk ROMS
With the Microsoft label. So spin up your drive,
Because Christmas now requires at least Win95.

More rapid than eagles the competitors came,
And Bill whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
"Now, ADOBE! now, CLARIS! now, INTUIT! too,
Now, APPLE! and NETSCAPE! you are all of you through!"

"It is Microsoft's SANTA that the kids can't resist,
It's the ultimate software with a traditional twist.
Recommended by no less than the jolly old elf,
And on the package is a picture of Santa himself."

"Get 'em young, keep 'em long, is Microsoft's scheme,
And a merger with Santa is a marketer's dream.
To the top of the NASDAQ! to the top of the Dow!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away - wow!"

And Mama in her 'kerchief and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
The whir and the hum of our satellite platter,

As it turned toward that new Christmas star in the sky,
The SANTALITE owned by the Microsoft guy.
As I sprang from my bed and was turning around,
My computer turned on with a Jingle-Bells sound.

And there on the screen was a smiling Bill Gates
Next to jolly old Santa, two arm-in-arm mates.
And I heard them exclaim in voice so bright,
"Have a MICROSOFT CHRISTMAS, and TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!"

[voice-]

Three Apple engineers and Three Microsoft Employees are traveling by
Ê train to a conference. At the station, the three Microsoft employees each
buy tickets and watch as the three Apple engineers buy only a single
ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a Microsoft
employee.
"Watch and you'll see", answers the Apple engineer.
They all board the train. The Microsoft employees take their respective
seats, but all three Apple engineers cram into a restroom and close the
door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting
tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with aÊ ticket in
hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Microsoft employees saw
this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
So after the conference, the Microsoft employees decide to copy the Apple
engineers (as they always do) on the return trip and save some money (being
clever with money and all that). When they get to theÊÊ station, they buy a
single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Apple
engineers don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed
Microsoft employee.
"Watch and you'll see, " answers an Apple engineer.
When they board the train the three Microsoft employees cram into a
restroom and the three Apple engineers cram into another one nearby.Ê The
train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Apple engineers leaves his
restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Microsoft employees are
hiding.
He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please...

[AdmiralAK]

I dont know if this falls under the category of a joke or a pick up line (I seriously hope its a joke though ).

I was talking to a (girl)friend of mine and she says "all you men are the same! YOu are like ocmputers, I do something and right away you crash and I have to alt-cntl-del you! " --- so I tell her "well not me, I am a mac user, we never crash, thus no alt-cntr-del" lol

[mrfluffy]

windows

[xaqintosh]

1.Computer are like air conditioners, they stop working when you open Windows

2. Bill Gates in heaven

When Bill Gates died, he went up to Heaven, where Saint Peter showed him
to his house; a beautiful 20 room house, with grounds and a tennis court.
Bill Gates was pleased, and spent many months enjoying the amenities of
Heaven.

One day, he was enjoying one of Heaven's many fine parks, when he ran into
a man dressed in a fine tailored suit.

"That is a nice suit, my friend," said Gates. "Where did you get it?"

"Actually," the man replied, "I was given a hundred of these when I got
here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill overlooking
a beautiful hill, with a huge five-hundred acre estate, a golf course, and
three Rolls Royces."

"Were you a Pope, or a doctor healing the sick?" asked Gates.

"No," said his new friend, "Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic."

Hearing this made Gates so angry that he immediately stalked off to find St. Peter.

Cornering Peter, he told him about the man he had just met, saying, "How
could you give me a paltry new house, while you're showering new cars, a
mansion, and fine suits on the Captain of the Titanic? _I invented the
Windows operating system! Why does he deserve better??!!!!"

"Yes, but we use Windows," replied Peter,
"and the Titanic only crashed once."

[voice-]

Good one XAQ, but the first one is already in my sig...

[xoot]

Bill Gates died. He went to be judged, and God said "See, this is very tricky. You invented Windows, thus giving people an operating system other that apple's, but it crashes so much. I will then let you choose now whether go to heaven or hell. You will stay a day in each of those locations."

"Ok." said Bill.

The first day he went to hell. There was a beautiful beach with beautiful women there. The second day he went to heaven. There were angels with harps, but Bill liked the women better. So he said, "I'll go to hell."

After a week, God found the billionairre screaming for help. So he asked, "What's the matter?"

"This is not what i've seen when you took me on the tour!" screamed Bill. Fire and burnt sausages streamed out of a hole in the black, sooty ground.

"Hahaha! That was just a DEMO!" smirked God.