Ah well. I would take it off your hands, but being that we're separated by a large body of water it kind of makes things difficult (nor would I want to imagine the shipping costs ).
I guess see about finding a good home for that oldie. I'm sure someone either on the 68KMLA or the PPCMLA that's in your vicinity would gladly snatch it up and give it some needed TLC.
As for the Dell, be aware that Dell has some great models with Ubuntu already preinstalled. Even the upcoming Dell Mini-Inspiron is going to have the option of Ubuntu as a preinstalled OS if you're into the ultraportables (I might see about getting that in the future).
Hey Rhisiart. I already posted a possible solution in that thread for you. Hopefully that works. I remember encountering a similar issue with an older G3 model. I believe resetting the PMU did the trick. Here's hoping it works for yours.