# Funny Story III:Job's Quest for the Holy Login



## divibisan (Apr 3, 2002)

Remember, finish the story and put the story in brackets.


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## xoot (Apr 3, 2002)

[Once upon a time Steve Jobs was riding in his Mercedes, when he encountered Bill Gates looking through his side window.]


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## gamedog00 (Apr 3, 2002)

Bill Gates was driving a hideos yellow honda with red wheels that had swatstikas all over it and worse said microsoft in huge letters across it with famous quotes of michael dell, and ballmer engraved.


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## divibisan (Apr 3, 2002)

[Steve Jobs was surprised to see him clicking on a keyboard and looking at him.  Then, suddently, he was transported to a strange world.]


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## gamedog00 (Apr 3, 2002)

Suddenly a small devil came and stripped his turtle neck from him. NOOOOOOOOOO. He  yelled his voice reverbrating off the walls in the large hall. He fell to the ground breathing heavily. Cold beads of sweat sat on his face. MY POWERS HAvE BEEN STRIPPED FROM ME!!!


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## gamedog00 (Apr 3, 2002)

he saw a fleeting glance of it running down the corridor with his turtleneck and followed the fleeting figure, suddenly he lost sight of it and realized the air was less dense here. *Click* Light flooded the room as huge flood lights clicked on to reveal....


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## divibisan (Apr 3, 2002)

[Without his turtlenecck, Jobs was powerless, but he took out his 14in iBook and searched Shirlock 3 in 10.5 and found out that he was inside Microsoft's .NET Prison!!]


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## gamedog00 (Apr 3, 2002)

Armed gaurds grabbed him and he was hustled down a corridor where he was put in a cell and forced to watch ballmers developers and monkey boy movies over and over.


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## divibisan (Apr 3, 2002)

[The lights revealed a Firewire port labled IEEE 1394 and an Airport card marked 802.11b. It was then that Jobs realized that he truely was in hell! He plugged his iBook into the port and using his hacking powers, maniged to open a doorway out of his cell into the vast circuts of .NET]


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## divibisan (Apr 3, 2002)

gamedog, why don't we stop writing in any of these stories for a day to let other people work on them OK


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## gamedog00 (Apr 3, 2002)

are you still on adium?

He rushed out of the cell right after emailing woz saying to tell everyone at apple what was happening.

From Redmond Washington Bill gates laughed at the futile attempt an evil laugh he had but the ports their so that jobs WOULD do that! Jobs was playing right into his hands! Two lawers came in, we're here to talk about a couple thousand law suits being filed against you sir william gates the third.
"DONT CALL ME THAT"
"HAHA william gates the third"


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## gamedog00 (Apr 3, 2002)

ok


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## divibisan (Apr 4, 2002)

[Looking out of his helicopter, Bill Gates looked at the smoldering wreckage of his house. "Its only 200 million dollars, that'll teach them to try to sue me.  Now lets check on my good friend Steve Jobs." He pulled out his laptop and two illegal operations and a blue screen of death later he accesed his camera in the .NET prison. "Ah ha ha ha!! Jobs has entered the labarynth, lets see him escape alive with hungry tigers on his tail! Ah ha ha ha ha!!!"]


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## z4ph0d (Apr 4, 2002)

[Running feverishly into a maze of Winblows logo's and trapdoors dropping him into lower levels of the .NET maze, Steve Jobs heard the tigers panting ever more closely. Suddenly 'ol Steve saw a back-door that made the tigers catch a bad case of BlueScreenOfDeath, wich effectively made them vaporize into thin air. In one piece on the other side of the trapdoor, Steve ghasped as he saw Steve Ballmer himself hurl a WidowsCE equipped, razor-barbed, clumsy-looking organizer-device at him!]


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## divibisan (Apr 4, 2002)

[Steve Jobs screamed as the device hurled slowly towards him, but suddently the organizer crashed to the ground.  In a murderous rage, Steve Ballmer roared and transformed into a ....]


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## scott (Apr 4, 2002)

[official league baseball. Jobs picks up the ballmerball, lobs it into the air, and proceeds to whack it with all of the energy his low-protein-diet will allow. 

As was his design, the ballmerball proceeds to break Windows all over the place.]


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## scruffy (Apr 4, 2002)

Oops, you beat me to it, posted while I was composing my episode...

Suggestion for the future: post a short comment, just something like "reserved" then edit it with the actual story.  It might save lost work...


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## divibisan (Apr 4, 2002)

> ...hidden API. Now completely invisible, Ballmer could sneak around behind Jobs. Each time he got behind Jobs, he whispered "less then 5% market share". Without his turtleneck of reality distortion, Jobs was wracked with pain each time he heard the bitter truth. He would spin around and charge blindly at his tormentor, but the monkey was too quick for him.



I chose this one

[All seemed doomed when suddently a black turtleneck appeared!  Just as Balmer prepared for his final blow, Steve Jobs got up and dove at the shirt. Quickly pulling it over his head he felt his powers returning. "Eat RDF monkeyboy!" He shouted as he fired a concentrated Reality Distortion Field at Steve Ballmer. When the dust cleared Ballmer was sitting on the ground looking around. "Whoa! Look at that dust. Thats such a great effect, and that trash can over there, Incredible!!" Leaving the bumbeling gorrila on the ground, Steve Jobs left the room and continued his search for an exit.]


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## xoot (Apr 4, 2002)

[Steve Jobs suddently saw xoot standing in front of him. He started to fire a Reality Distortion Field at him too, but realized that he was a Mac user.

"I know how to get out of here," said xoot.

"How?" asked Steve, surprised.]


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## satanicpoptart (Apr 4, 2002)

again the phantasmal goat came but his time he ate xoots right leg, then left .


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## xoot (Apr 4, 2002)

[But, xoot used his mind powers to fend off the goat and regrow his legs.]


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## satanicpoptart (Apr 4, 2002)

the goat returns as a small viral type of goat... and stays attached to xoots legs feeding off them like the ghostly parcite that it is.  because of its symbeotic relationship with xoot it is now imune to the mind power type things.


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## xoot (Apr 4, 2002)

[Steve Jobs uses his turtleneck powers to make the goat go away. xoot has his mind powers restored.]


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## satanicpoptart (Apr 4, 2002)

satan returns and takes bill gates to hell the goat now feasts apon bill instead of xoot


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## xoot (Apr 4, 2002)

[xoot says thank you to the goat.]


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## divibisan (Apr 4, 2002)

> atan returns and takes bill gates to hell the goat now feasts apon bill instead of xoot



I'm Ignoring this last post because it ruins the story because Bill Gates isn't supposed to die.... yet.


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## satanicpoptart (Apr 4, 2002)

he isnt dead
just in hell for awhile having his legs feasted apon


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## divibisan (Apr 4, 2002)

Yes, but it makes no sense, Bill Gates doesn't go to hell untill the end of the story when he is killed or something.


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## xoot (Apr 4, 2002)

A picture of the goat:


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## satanicpoptart (Apr 4, 2002)

satan gets bored with bill and throws his charded but still alive cadaver to the surface but the goat now resides in his ass feeding on he inards.  (happy now?)


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## satanicpoptart (Apr 4, 2002)

btw that is *NOT PHANTASMAL GOAT*


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## divibisan (Apr 4, 2002)

OK

["Wow. That was weird." Said Bill Gates, "That reminds me, how is Steve Jobs doing." He looked into the cell with his laptop and saw something that astounded him.]


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