# Talking to God



## edX (Jan 11, 2003)

A highly recruited young programmer was visiting employers to try
and find the best job for him. His first stop was at Redmond.
When he got there, Bill Gates immediately picked up a golden telephone.
After talking several minutes, he said, "Thank you, God" and hung up. This shocked the young man. He asked Bill what was so special about the
golden phone. "Well, this phone is a direct line to God. And God tells me
whether or not new recruits would fit in here." The programmer asked if he could use the phone to ask God what job he should pick
"Sure, you can! But it's going to cost you $5,000. Calling Heaven is not
cheap." The fellow didn't have that kind of money, so he moved along. Who would want to live in Redmond anyway?
His next stop was IBM in New York. Upon entering Samuel Palmisano's office, the IBM C.E.O. immediately picked up a golden telephone. After talking several minutes, he said, "Thank you, God" and hung up. The young man said, "Hey, I've seen those phones before. Can I use yours to call God and ask what job I should pick?" Palmisano said, "Sure, but it's going to cost you $1, 000.  Calling Heaven isn't cheap." Again, not having that kind of money, the lad left.
His last stop was in Cupertino, Calif.. Upon arrival at the office, Steve Jobs picked up a golden telephone, talked to God, and said, "Thanks," and hung up.
The programmer just had to use that phone, so he said, "Mr. Jobs, I really need to use that golden telephone so I can call God and ask him which job I should choose. From Microsoft it was going to cost me $5,000.  IBM wanted $1,000. So how much will it cost me to call Heaven from here at Apple?"
Steve smiled and said, "Nothing, son. It's a local call."


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## Giaguara (Jan 11, 2003)




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## kendall (Jan 11, 2003)

sacreligious


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## JetwingX (Jan 11, 2003)

I don't live tooooooo far from Cupertino! maybe i should get a phone to God    

(nice on ed  )


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## OmegaMan (Jan 12, 2003)

Darn!  I knew I should have picked up a God phone from The Company Store!  Instead, I was looking at the 10gb iPod!


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## wiz (Jan 12, 2003)

> _Originally posted by kendall _
> *sacrilegious  *




I AGREEEEE (cannot laugh even if it was funny    )

fortunately we usually are usually forgiving and tend to ignore such jokes.


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## edX (Jan 12, 2003)

what are you "sacreligious" people talking about? i don't even beiieve in  'God' per se or heaven, but i think it's funny. it's a joke about computers, not religion.


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## kendall (Jan 12, 2003)

God is the basis of most (all?) Christian religions so yes, phoning God would be considered a religious joke and religion is one of two things that should never be discussed in a public forum without expected backlash.  The other is politics.   Just because you don't believe in God doesn't mean others wouldn't be offended by your remarks.


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## edX (Jan 12, 2003)

hey, it was originally an email about college football recruiting and was sent to me by a Christian. Some of the best jokes that are actually about God have been told to me by ministers. 

so laugh or don't laugh, i don't care.


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## kendall (Jan 12, 2003)

It just brings to mind a joke about race that was made a while back and how it was handled because of the concern that others might find it offensive.  Many would view jokes about religion just as offensive yet I guess if its something you don't believe in, that makes it ok. 

Honestly, I could care either way.  I just have a very keen eye when it comes to double standards.


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## Giaguara (Jan 12, 2003)

C'mon ... don't take jokes too seriously?? 

Ok, is only this then accepted humor?







Or some programmers get offended?


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## hulkaros (Jan 12, 2003)

Come on! I REALLY believe in God (no NOT Steve) and I'm still laughing at Ed's joke... 

Methinks that you guys got a cheap shot against EdX here!

As a person who comes from Greece I think that humor is above all things... It makes us live longer and makes us feel good... I think even God has humor... Maybe the best humor there is... That's why he created humans in the first place   

Oh! And one more thing: In Greece supposedly Ponti-ee are the most dumb persons in all creation! This because we have SO many jokes about them... But you know what? The jokes are their creation and people REALLY know that Ponti-ee are VERY smart people, hard working fellas with LOTS of hospitallity and did I mention LOADS of humor and creativity?

What I'm trying to say here is that NO matter what we must NOT lose our humor be it about religion, politics, racism, ANYTHING... If you ask me who is the one person that I absolutely be afraid of, I simply say is this kind of person who has NO humor or even worst like to get ungry with every chance he got against people who create and/or pass on humor/comical stuff...

I simply say to them lets burn Eddie Murphy, Robert De Niro, Charlie Chaplin, et al simply because they make us laugh regardless of the subject of their humor... What's next? Start a White Race only forum?

People chill out! Life is too short and we've got to fight HARD to make every second funny and worthy in general


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## Trip (Jan 12, 2003)

I'm mormon here, and i find this joke to be a grand one!

I've heard it before, but it's still funny the third time around.


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## kendall (Jan 12, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Trip _
> *I'm mormon here, and i find this joke to be a grand one!
> 
> I've heard it before, but it's still funny the third time around.  *



hehehe!


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## Jason (Jan 12, 2003)

this... is why im agnostic


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## chevy (Jan 12, 2003)

I expected Steve to have the phone ringing each time Bill or Palmisano calls...


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## Trip (Jan 12, 2003)

Mkay...thread's got a little too wierd for me. 
btw: sluteyes.com? There's nothing wrong with porn in the world today is there.


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## kendall (Jan 12, 2003)

How is sluteyes.com porn?  Did you find any porn on that server?  I think not.

*Judge not less ye be judged.*


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## Trip (Jan 12, 2003)

Hey smarty: i was refering to the title, not the page.


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## Ricky (Jan 12, 2003)

The joke was funny, but you guys are starting to make a big deal out of it.


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## kendall (Jan 12, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Trip _
> *Hey smarty: i was refering to the title, not the page.  *



what does the word "sluteyes" have to do with porn?  Can you find me the words "sluteyes" and porn in the same sentence any where on the web?  I think not.


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## Trip (Jan 12, 2003)

Ok, sorry Ricky.
Sorry kendall, you are right. I was a retard to say such things.


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## fryke (Jan 13, 2003)

(Ignoring all the discussion inbetween...)

That's a great joke! And just to add the last nice line I've heard about Mac/Win (btw., that's kinda religous, too...):

"Never ask a man what kind of computer he drives.
If it's a Mac, he'll tell you. If not, why embarrass him?" - Tom Clancy


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## themacko (Jan 13, 2003)

Bill Gates     dies in a car accident._ He finds himself in front of     God, who says....."Well, Bill,_ I'm really confused     on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or     Hell._ After all, your contribution to society by     putting a computer in almost every home in America is just     enormous.
     Yet you created that ghastly WINDOWS._ I'm going to do     something I've never done before._ I'm going to let you     decide where you want to go." 
     Bill replied,_ "Well, what's the difference between     the two?"_ God replied "I'll let you visit     both places briefly, to see if the experience will help you     to decide."
     "Fine, but where should I go first?"
     "I'll leave that up to you."
     "Okay, then," said Bill, "let's try Hell     first."__ 
     So Bill went to Hell._ It was a beautiful, clean, sandy     beach with clear waters and lots of beautiful women running     around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about,     the sun shining, the temperature perfect._ 
     He was very pleased._ "This is great," he told     God._ "If this is hell, I really want to see     Heaven."_ 
     "Fine," said God, and off they went.
     Heaven was a place high in the clouds with angels drifting     about, playing harps and singing._ It was nice, but not     as enticing as Hell. 
     Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered this decision.     "Hmmmmm....I think I'd prefer Hell!"_ He told     God._
     "Fine,"retorted God, "as you     desire."_ 
     So Bill Gates went to Hell.___ 
     Two weeks later,_ God decided to check on the late     billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell._ When he     got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall_ screaming     amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured     by demons._ 
     "How's everything going?", he asked Bill.
     Bill responded with his voice filled with anguish and     disappointment. "This is awful._ This is nothing     like the Hell I visited two weeks ago. " I can't believe     this is happening._ What happened to that other place,     with the beaches and beautiful women playing the     water?????"
     "Oh," God said,_ "that was Hell 3.1_     This is Hell 95."


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## chevy (Jan 13, 2003)

Who will describe Hell XP Home Edition ?


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## fryke (Jan 13, 2003)

I knew that one, though. 

There's a variant that says: "Ah, that was the activated screensaver."

Or another one that goes something along the line of that the hell he saw the first time was only a kind of graphical shell and that the real work of Hell 3.11 was still based on the older version that didn't include all the bells and whistles...

The word 'sacrilege' reminded me of the first ever computer magazine I bought. In there, the 'computers of the year' were announced. In several categories there were different winners. The Macintosh II won 'graphics workstation' back then, while the Amiga 1000 won 'home computer'. In the description of the Amiga was an anecdote that went something like this:

"At the presentation of the Amiga 1000, someone near me whispered: 'This is better than Macintosh.' And I coughed: 'Sacrilege.'"

I found that funny indeed.  (It was the line that lead on to the category 'graphics workstation' from 'home computer'.)


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## scruffy (Jan 14, 2003)

> _Originally posted by kendall _
> *... religion is one of two things that should never be discussed in a public forum without expected backlash.  The other is politics. *



What's left then?  I mean really, talk about something that's not political.  I betcha can't do it.


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## scruffy (Jan 14, 2003)

> _Originally posted by kendall _
> *How is sluteyes.com porn?  Did you find any porn on that server?  I think not.
> 
> Judge not less ye be judged. *



I'd say it's a more objectionable form of porn than any pictures of naked people would be - I'll take  pornography of sex and life over pornography of violence and death any day.


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## kendall (Jan 14, 2003)

sluteyes *=* promiscuous woman eyes.  nothing more, nothing less. 

how porn is derived from it is anyone's guess.

other than addressing your question, i'm talking quite easily now with out discussing politics.  perhaps you do not understand the definition of politics.  simply put, politics is the  art or science of government.  i rarely see politics discussed on this forum.  likely because its too controversial considering this forum is made up of members from many various nations.


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## Giaguara (Jan 17, 2003)

I had heard also that screensaver version...


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## scruffy (Jan 17, 2003)

Your definition of politics is extremely narrow.  

I would say:
Politics is the process of people figuring out how to live together peacefully, i.e. what rules and norms to set, what to encourage, merely tolerate, or outright forbid, how wealth/power/prestige is to be distributed, etc.

As such, a great deal of MS vs Apple discussion is definitely political, to give one example.  To give another, the statement:



> sluteyes = promiscuous woman eyes. nothing more, nothing less.
> 
> how porn is derived from it is anyone's guess.



is certainly political.  Or would you deny that this includes some implied judgement on sexual morality?

And, what I was referring to as porn was the content of the page, as seen when you actually click on the link...


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