# The Mac Jargon Dictionary



## symphonix (Jan 26, 2003)

For those new to the world of Mac, I am compiling a list of Mac Jargon and definitions. It will be in three volumes: A to H, I, and J to Z.  

Feel free to add to it if you wish:

*Airport Extreme:* Passengers are fired out of a giant cannon; regardless of what their ticket says, they will land in Minsk, while their luggage will land in Bermuda.

*Darwin:* Evolutionary scientist who proved that all Mac-users are in fact descended from beagles.

*iPod:* Kind of like a tripod, except it doesn't have three legs.

*iTunes:* App that interfaces with the speech toolkit to make your computer say "gesundheit" whenever the user sneezes.

*Open-Source:* Any software used for getting ketchup bottles open when they've gone all gooey.

*PRAM:* Device for transporting babies.

*Rendezvous:* Turns setting up a computer network into a romantic wartime movie experience.

*Safari:* Any business trip during which your PowerBook is eaten by a Hyena.

Feel free to add to the list!


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## AdmiralAK (Jan 26, 2003)

lol 
any more ? what about AppleTalk, Moof, and cyberdog ?


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## symphonix (Jan 27, 2003)

*Kernel Panic:* Famous for defeating General Protection-Fault in a battle led by Major Malfunction in the Browser Wars.

 Seriously, though, I want to leave some for everybody else!


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## adambyte (Jan 27, 2003)

*Trash:* See "Internet Explorer"


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## AdmiralAK (Jan 27, 2003)

We should come up with all the mac terms (or even apple terms, like the ones from the Apple IIgs era) and post em in a humor section


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## symphonix (Jan 28, 2003)

*BlueTooth:* Caused by gargling Windex.

*iPhoto: * A type of extreme close-up snapshot favoured at drunken parties. If you tape it together with a nosePhoto and earPhoto you might get an idea who the subject was.

*Final Cut Pro:* A ninja master.

*Final Cut Express:* A ninja on a bicycle.

*Modem:* Swedish dish served with tuna.

*iSub:* Software for making footlong sandwiches easily.

*Trackpad:* What a bookie uses to write down bets.

*Cocoa-Java:* The ultimate caffiene binge.


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## adambyte (Jan 28, 2003)

*Firmware:* Stage in between software and hardware, often occuring while fooling around in the backseat of a car.


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## mrfluffy (Jan 28, 2003)




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## mdnky (Jan 28, 2003)

*Software:*  Embarrassing situation, often curable with Viagra.

*Java:* A substance (many think god's greatest gift) which fights attacks of sleepiness, uncontrolable eye shutting, and the evil .Net.  (note: New extremists may chant _All hail Starbucks, all hail Sun_ in rapid suscession.)

*iMovie:* Sesame Street's latest children's movie, about the letter I.


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## mdnky (Jan 28, 2003)

*Rendezvous:*  Application which assists in secret meetings, often of the pleasurable kind.


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## Cat (Jan 28, 2003)

*iBook:* 1) Comfy @$$ shaped cushion you get for free when booking a long plane voyage (typically on a 7455 or 7457).
2) (also *IceBook*) coolbox

*IceBook:* Recipe book for original Italian Vanilla Ice (the preferred flavor of ninja rappers).

*Cube: * see iToaster 

*iToaster* device than can sync with any Mac on the internet and use their collective power to produce a perfect toast while reading your e-mail for the day.

*970:* Mythical monstruous creature with 970 heads come to terrorise all 'power'Mac users and scare them, preventing them to buy a new Mac.

*7457:* Chipset used by terrorists to attack the Dual Towers.

*Rumor Sites:* Decoy agents making a helluva noise while Macmeister Steve implements innovations quietly in the background.


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## adambyte (Jan 28, 2003)

*Superdrive:* Results of Viagra in which Software turns to Firmware, and finally, Hardware.

*Microsoft:* See "Bill Gates"


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## symphonix (Jan 28, 2003)

*PowerMac:* Eight all beef patties, special sauce ... you get the picture.  

*Power Supply:* Cheesy eighties rock band famous for the hit "I can't function without your lovin'"

*Pixel:* Tiny little man who lives inside the computer.


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## mdnky (Jan 28, 2003)

*SCSI:* Die-hard mac user who never showers.

*Modem:* Ancient device that allowed pre-historic computer users to access the internet at the speed of the common land turtle.

*Xserve:* Excellent tennis serve.

*Final Cut:* What every wife that found out the husband was cheating wants to do.

*Final Cut Pro:* Loranna Bobbit

*Apple Care:* Monthly wash, wax, and polish.

*Pentium:* See snail.

*Snail:* Slow, inefficent creature.

*Jaguar:* Cat who eats Cows for breakfast, then busts through windows and attack the Gates-farmer for desert.

*Quicktime:* Male in need of Viagra or other medicine for personal problem, see before mentioned Hardware, Software, Firmware.


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## mdnky (Jan 28, 2003)

*Megapixel:* Similar to pixel, Tiny little man who lives inside the computer, but works out constantly with a Bowflex machine.

*Gigaflop:* 250 pound person in diving (belly-flop) contest.

*Teraflop:* 500 pound person in diving (belly-flop) contest.

*Petraflop:* Rosanne in diving (belly-flop) contest.

*UNIX:* New brand of ultra powerfull, fast, dependable, stable, secure car.  Think Hummer meets BMW meets Rolls Royce meets F18 meets Ft. Knox.

*LINUX:* Similar to UNIX, but less refined and can be found for free.  Think Chevy Truck meets Cadillac meets P52 Mustang meets Pentagon.

*Switch:* Action that when done will cause a major relief of stress, increase productivity, and make the world a safer, more secure, and better place.

*Bill Gates:* Lucifer, Satan, The Dark Angel.  Also, see Pond Scum.


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## symphonix (Jan 29, 2003)

*Linux:* Having read all the information, its obviously got something to do with ... err ... militant penguins invading and overthrowing Microsoft. Weird.

*Man Pages:* Software for organising all the smut that's in your hard-drive.

*Hard Drive:* He he he ...  Too obvious!

*Carbon:* That gunk that gets stuck inside those mice with the little ball thingy.

*Carbonised:* What Jabba the Hutt did to Han Solo.

*Titanium:* When it was released it was the largest laptop ever. On its maiden voyage across the Atlantic, though, it hit an iceberg and sank. (Some historians suggest it might have sunk anyway)

*17-inch PowerBook:* Makes any PC-Laptop users in the vicinity feel very inadequate. See the article "Does Size Matter?" in the girly magazine database.


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## wdw_ (Jan 29, 2003)

*iMac:* The first internet ready cheeseburger.

*iMovie:* How a caveman says he was once in a movie.

*iPod:* That thing C-3PO and R2-D2 rode to Tatooine in Episode IV.

*Pencil:* Snail Word.

*Firewire:* The fuse on fireworks.

*Photoshop:* Kinkos.

*17-inch Powerbook:* High-tech lunch-tray.


this is fun


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## edX (Jan 29, 2003)

*Original iMac* - can be supersized for a complete dining experience. 
*USB Hub* - name of the next space station
*Plug and Play* - kinky bondage stuff 
*Appleworks* - Well, it does, doesn't it? App that puts an end to the rumors that microsoft works.
*OS 9 (classic)* - An obscure scifi movie that maintains a cult following to this day
*Applications* - Needed to avoid unemployment and seek Jobs. Seeking Jobs is full time work for some apple fans
*Finder* - Native American who has been tracking Jobs for years. Seems to always be one second short of catching up to him. 
*Application Switcher* - previously sought Gates, but is now looking for Jobs.
*Dock* - Good place to find fresh fish, cheap beer and even cheaper women.
*Toast* - 1) good with butter and jam 2) what what M$ illegally attempts to make all its competitors


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## AdmiralAK (Jan 29, 2003)

Appleworks - Well, it does, doesn't it? App that puts an end to the rumors that microsoft works. 


lol ed... THIS one cracked me up the most  -- I need to think of some good ones -- you guys are having all the fun -- I will make my come back with newton ones


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## symphonix (Jan 29, 2003)

*USB:* The new revised version of the USA corrects several bugs and security holes in the previous country.

_Seriously, Ed, your definition of 'Applications' cracked me up..._


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## Cat (Jan 30, 2003)

ROFL! When is USC due? 

*Mouse:* cute, tiny, one buttoned furry creature, that pervert genome hackers have turned into monstruous multi-button / wireless / scrollwheel enhanced frankensteins!

*Terminal:* the last thing you'd be looking for in a splendid GUI lik OS X.

*Safari:* iApp with a typo (now it's an Appi)

*BlueTooth:* new lifestyle trend, replaces the golden ones.

*.Mac:* hidden Mac.


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## edX (Jan 30, 2003)

i expect we'll see USB.1 before USC 
(symphonix - that was the best one yet  )

*Firewire* - the tangle of cords running to peripherals that cause potential fire hazard. 
*Floppy Disk* - the originl hard drive, now the computer equivilent of dust
*Floppy Disk Drive* - dust collection unit
*External Hard Drive* - a strap on
*Slot Loader* - 1) can be seen in Nevada, commonly has a large supply of coins on hand  2) slang for a promiscuous woman
*megabyte* - used when eating an imac
*ibook* - a self help program for improving self esteem
*Powerbook* - a self help motivational program for career advancement (also availble on audio cassettes)
*TiBook* - the ancient wisdoms of the philosopher Ti. aids in enlightenment
*Desktop* - a flat surface that is either obsessively clean and spotless or excessively cluttered with indistinguishable objects, despending upon the individual's style of expression of anal retentive qualities
*Wallpaper* - how many times do i have to tell you - THIS IS NOT A MAC TERM!!!


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## mdnky (Jan 30, 2003)

*Internet Explorer:*  It's endless mission (starting the app) is to CRAWL along through the internet, an repeadtly crash like no other before.

*.Mac:*  Newage spinoff of the band, Fleetwood Mac.


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## Ricky (Jan 31, 2003)

*Bus speed:*  A vehicle with a bomb onboard.
*Monitor:*  Those kids that bullies beat up.
*Superdrive:*  Think of some of the spam you get...
*iSync:*  Help!  Quicksand!
*Microsoft Word:*  See "'Helper' virus."
*"Helper" virus:*  A malicious line of code included in Microsoft Office to purposely destroy your formatting and sentence structures.
*Grab:*  ...Yup.  You can make this definition on your own.
*SSH:*  What Apple tells rumor sites sometimes.

Yes, I know I'm lame.


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## edX (Jan 31, 2003)

no ricky, isync, helper virus and ssh all made me laff. 

ssh was the best one though 

(hey, why do you think i do 6-7 at a time? i figure i gotta hit with at least one that way  )


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## symphonix (Jan 31, 2003)

*Icon:* An object that is worshipped religiously in certain subcultures. See: iMac, PowerMac, PowerBook, iPod and Jobs ...

*Wozniak:* Famed for inventing the dial-a-joke, the wearable Java server, the self-heating pizza and ten-storey Tetris. He also invented some sort of computing device called a "Personal Computer", though it was never as popular.

*Software Pirates:* A peculiar kind of virus that causes your Mac to walk with a swagger, swear a lot, drink a lot, get into fights and prompt you with "Ach! Cap'n! Thar be email!"

*Developer's Tools:* Tongs, rubber gloves, plastic tray, red light and a really dark room.

*Chip:* Nutritional supplement. In the US, these are known as 'French Fries'.

*Cinema Tools:* Popcorn maker.


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## AdmiralAK (Jan 31, 2003)

*Newton:* The famed Isaac Newton, discoverer of the law of gravity!

*NewtonBook:* A book of poetry that Mr Newton was writing the day he discovered gravity

*NewtonScript:* A language that Mr Newton made up after he was hit over the head with a rotten apple. Saddly this language is now criptic and no one can understand it.

*Dongle:* A keychain prototype that newton was working on. This obscure device got it's name due to the fact that it was dongling from his pants.

*Rosetta:* Newton's girlfriend, surprizingly she could read his handwritting and decipher his _Newtonscript_

*Egg Freckles:* After having received a bump on the head from a rotten apple, Newton picked up the hobby of egg painting, his adversaries thought he had not talent and thought the paint looked like Freckles on an egg, thus the name for all his defunct creations 

*Stylus: * What Newton named his writing instrument after that fateful day under the tree.

*PCMCIA:* The CIA's files on PreCommunism Manuscripts. Manuscripts are stored here and studied for possible secret messages. Newtonbooks are stored in here! (coincidence? I think not!)

*Infrared:* One of the colors that Newton tried to use on his "egg freckles" --- only he could see it unfortunatelly.

*Silo: * the place where newton stored his grain after harvest.


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## Ricky (Jan 31, 2003)

*Shake:*  See _Kendall's avatar._
*Quicktime:*  The amazing effect that happens when one uses software by the same name to watch videos, esp. when MacWorld keynotes take place.
*MacWorld keynote:*  A religious holiday for Mac addicts.  Usually held twice a year, Mac geeks from all over the country gather to watch Steve Jobs deliver an address of Mac enlightenment.  Also seen all over the world from the mountaintop of Internet.
*Genius Bar:*  It's not a bar, that's for sure.


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## symphonix (Feb 1, 2003)

*X-Windows:* Two FBI agents investigate unexplained windows that appear on a remote corner of the desktop, abduct icons, mutilate documents, then vanish without a trace.

*Perl:* Swine pre-processor language.

*Server:* Those who wait on the rich and powerful. In ancient Egypt and China, Unix were used.


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## symphonix (Feb 1, 2003)

I have just done some cutting and pasting and have started compiling the list. We have over 110 definitions!
I had to put Admiral's Newton definitions separate or else they wouldn't make as much sense.
I will see what I can do about putting them together as a web-page, with appropriate credits, of course.
I hope that isn't all of them!


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## AdmiralAK (Feb 1, 2003)

The newton terminology part II:

*Router:* A precursor to the modern day zipper... it wasn't very popular with the ladies though.

*Formulas:* What newton wrote in his notes

*Data Soups:* An alphabet soup of Newton's times. Quite tasty.

*Newtscape:* Properly pronounces "Newt's cape", what newton was wearing when it was raining.

*NewtonWorks:* The failed construction company that Isaac founded. The unions killed his profit.

*Newton ID:* The precursor to the modern day ID card. It utilized Gravity coefficient quotients to make a UIN (Unique ID number) for the ID.

*Styles:* What Newton ignored when he made the router

*eWorld:* Precursor to the iApps. "e" was later trademarked by M$ for explorer and they changed the name to "i"

*Backlight:*  Mideval concept of backscreen projection. Precursor of the shadow theater.

*Beam:* A beam of light used to send signals to his wife telling her what he wanted for dinner. Morse later pattented this method of communication.

*Dock:* Place where newton went for fresh fish.

*Neko:*  Newton's european Tomagochi. Imported from japan pets were too expensive at the time.


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## symphonix (Feb 2, 2003)

Styles: What Newton ignored when he made the router

 ... and the Dongle, too.


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## AdmiralAK (Feb 2, 2003)

hahahaha.... I agree .. I dont know how I missed that


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## Cat (Feb 3, 2003)

*Hyperthreading:* 1) what pentiums do.
2) posting a lot on MacOSX.com.

*Hyperventilation:* what the (allegedly overclocked) PowerMacs had.

*Windows Manager:* Bill Gates

*Windows Server:* every windoze user

*iPod:* the first Pod, to be followed by the iiPod, the second Pod.

*X-serve:* poor random peasant

*Rack:* torture device for X-Serves

*RTFM:* complete edition in Rich Text Format of the popular MAN pages.

*iMac:* proud statement made by Mac users. Usually followed by the question "Do uMac 2?" (See: toMac v.)

*toMac:* Conj.: iMac, uMac, heMacs, weMac, uMac, theyMac.

*toSMac:* 1) action of fetishists kissing their Mac.
2) What Mac users do to windoze users.


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## Ricky (Feb 4, 2003)

*iCal:*  When going on a diet, the doctor tells one to watch his/her calorie intake.  Upon finding out how much a diet stinks, the individual says, "Screw it!  iCal!!"  And he/she proceeds to binge.
*Fetch:*  Get the disk, boy!
*Computer virus:*  A destructive executable.  Apple computers are immune to more than 99 percent of these.

*Gateway:*  The doors to Hell.
*Dell:*  Rhymes with Hell.
*Compaq:*  Compact Hell.
*Windows:*  syn.:  Hell.
*Microsoft:*  syn.:  Software.  (See above definitions.   )
*Bill Gates:*  See "Satan."

Sorry about the abuse of the word Hell.  Trying to make a point.


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## adambyte (Feb 5, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Ricky _
> *Bill Gates:*  See "Satan."



Awww, don't be so hard on Satan. He's not as bad as Bill.


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## weaselworld (Feb 5, 2003)

*UNIX*: Males of the human species who have been castrated. see also John Bobbit, Bill Gates.


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## macavenger (Feb 5, 2003)

Gigaflop: Microsoft Software for Linux


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## symphonix (Feb 6, 2003)

Gigaflop: See also "Microsoft Bob" ;-)


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## Darkshadow (Feb 6, 2003)

*iCab:* What Japanese tourists mistakenly call NYC cabbies
*Sherlock:* a man who couldn't admit he was ever wrong
*Project Builder:* procrastinator's list of things to do tomorrow
*HFS:* Highly Formulated Shakes
*SuperDrive:* a souped-up Corvette


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## symphonix (Jun 30, 2003)

Time to update the list, eh?

can anyone define iChatAV, iSight and Panther?


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## Veljo (Jul 8, 2003)

*iSight:* One of five senses.
*iChat:* When your eyes send messages to each other saying how beautiful your Mac is.
*SimpleText:* Passages that can be understood by all.
*Print Center:* Where you take your documents for printing when your Windows box crashes _again_.
*Applet:* A baby Apple computer, ie. the G4 cube or such.
*Crash:* Windows 95/98/NT/2000/Me/XP/Longhorn. There is no end in sight.
*Reliable OS:* Impossible feat for Microsoft.
*Dreamweavers:* The staff at Apple Computer: could your computer run any nicer?
*Windows XP:* An allusion to its real name, Windows Crap-E.


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## symphonix (Jul 9, 2003)

I like "Applet" 

*Beta:* The Mac is Beta, and that's all there is to it.  

*iChat AV:* Essential software for any long-distance cybersexual relationship.

*Upgrade:* A steep hill. So called because driving on an upgrade is much like using a computer that needs one.  

*Prototype:* Apples that haven't ripened yet.


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## yapcw (Jan 2, 2004)

*Apple * : An Apple a day keeps Bill Gates away !


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## symphonix (Aug 9, 2004)

*Airport Express: * The bus that gets you from the airport to your hotel and only costs as much as an international plane ticket or 20 minutes in an airport carpark.

*XCode:* The colloquial name for the code used by US generals to get into the restricted areas where they keep alien space-craft, mind-control machines, and Elvis.

*Safari RSS:* Enables hunters to catch up on their news while tracking rhinos.

*Spotlight:* A new search technology in MacOS 10.4 that will let users find items by searching metadata such as "Shiny" "Pinkish" "Cheesy" and "Sticky"

*Core Image:* A naughty picture of a computer without its case on.

*Core Video:* Same as core image, but more animated.


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## JetwingX (Aug 10, 2004)

*2. Kernel Panic: * (Verb) what popcorn dose in a microwave before it pops.

*1. Dock:* where applications stay port till ready to go out to sea

*2. Dock:* dock for iPod _see dock 1_


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## symphonix (Nov 22, 2004)

Time for another update, I guess.

*AirTunes:* _1._ Music played by blowing over the opening of a bottle. 2. A magical way of sending sound wirelessly through the air, so that it can be recieved by a stereo. Apple were the first to invent this. That whole Marconi thing was done with smoke and mirrors.

*CoreVideo:*  An adult movie retailer in the back streets of Cupertino, California.

*Delicious Library: * An unsuccessful venture by the same witch who built the gingerbread house in the forest. It was eaten by a mob of villagers carrying pitch-forks and really big plates.

*Suck Effect:* _1. _ A state of having windows "Suck" into the dock. _2. _ A state of having Windows installed on your computer.

*Playlist:* The clipboard that a bouncer at a really exclusive children's cubby house consults before he decides whether to let kids in or not.

*Party Shuffle:* See also: _Dancing while excessively drunk._


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## symphonix (Jan 19, 2005)

Here it is again ...

*Mac Mini:* A small trenchcoat worn by midgets.

*iWork:* What optometrists do.

*Jam Pack:*  An unsuccessful packaging experiment for jam, involving squeeze sachets that were meant to put the jam onto the bread easily, but as it turned out, they also easily put the jam onto the ceiling, the mother in law, the dog and the next door neighbour.

*OSX:*  Dysliexic Grafitti

*BYODKM:*  Bring Your Own Display, Keyboard and Megaphone.

OK, so who has a good one for iPod shuffle, Asteroid, Pages, ThinkSecret, iMovie HD, Soundtrack ... ??


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## Arden (Jan 19, 2005)

*Pages:* Your parakeet's lavatory.

*Soundtrack:* The violins you hear when your parakeet dies.

Is this good? I'm new to this.


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## andychrist (Jan 19, 2005)

*Asteroid:* (adj) far out; speculative

*iLife:* Cockney brew


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## symphonix (Jan 20, 2005)

*Mini iPod shuffle mini mini:* So small you can barely even see it. Holds one song and fits inside your ear and is practically impossible to get out again. Has only one button "Go" which starts it playing. Retails for 99 cents.  Mac fanatics often load it up with a Spice Girls song and slap it into the ear of someone they really hate.


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## Arden (Jan 21, 2005)

How do you hit the button when it's lodged in the ear?  Start it beforehand? ::ha::


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## andychrist (Jan 21, 2005)

*Halo effect:* Illusion that one radiates beams of light when decked out in a gleaming new iPod and smiling beatifically.


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## Cat (Jan 21, 2005)

*ThinkSecret:* The misterious hush-hush surrounding the creative stage at which Apple DNA and Steve Jobs' Ego rip, mix and burn in the hidden bowels of 1 Inifinite Loop, to be kept there shrouded in mysteries until the world is fit for the revelation.


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## symphonix (Jan 22, 2005)

*ThinkSecret:*  The reason the Apple design team have taken to hiding in attics and car boots and not going out into the sunlight.


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## symphonix (Oct 28, 2005)

*Front Row:* The best seats in an auditorium or theatre, unless the show involves magicians, animals, hypnosis, clowns or fireworks.

*iSight:* What your optometrist checks when you are getting some iWork done.

*Tiger:* The component inside your Mac that handles all the tiging.

*Shake:* A video compositing technique that involves sticking bits of video footage together by using a gooey substance available from McDonalds.

*Aperture:* A photographic term for a small opening, such as the small opening in the high-end photographic software market that Apple has chosen to move into with this software.

*Universal Binaries:*  The green shimmery stuff that Neo fights with in _The Matrix_.

*Rosetta:* A stone tablet discovered at an archaelogical dig which gives full operating instructions to the Stonehenge(tm) processor set.


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## Lt Major Burns (Oct 30, 2005)

symphonix said:
			
		

> *Mini iPod shuffle mini mini:* So small you can barely even see it. Holds one song and fits inside your ear and is practically impossible to get out again. Has only one button "Go" which starts it playing. Retails for 99 cents.  Mac fanatics often load it up with a Spice Girls song and slap it into the ear of someone they really hate.




how do you shuffle one song ?


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## Lt Major Burns (Oct 30, 2005)

*iCal* a word made up on the day the new calandar app was finished. couldn't think of any ambiguous single words, and icalender had too many sylables.  iCal was born. often confused with being a calculator.


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## symphonix (Feb 24, 2006)

*MacBook Pro:* A professional writer of technical books, which usually weigh more than the computer itself and start with something like "Ruby-on-Rails makes coding for web applications so unbelievably simple even a child of four could do it, and this 1500 page book will get you started!". If you believe the introduction, you will have your confidence crushed before you even reach chapter 8 "Abstract subnominal variables in a multi nomenclature environment".

*Dual-Head:* A mutation caused by spending too long in front of a computer monitor.

*iWeb:* Software for Spider-Man.


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## eric2006 (Feb 24, 2006)

Lt Major Burns said:
			
		

> how do you shuffle one song ?


Oh, that reminds me of this:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5783370061401851458&q=ipod+flea
Defiantly a must-see


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