# Obviously, I have too much time on my hands



## Rhisiart (Dec 23, 2007)

The inventive language created by doctors the world over to insult their patients - or each other - is in danger of becoming extinct. Dr Adam Fox, who works at St Mary's Hospital in London, says that far fewer doctors now annotate notes with acronyms designed to spell out the unsayable truth about their patients.

*Top medical acronyms*

CTD - Circling the Drain (a patient expected to die soon)
GLM - Good looking Mum
GPO - Good for Parts Only
TEETH - Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy
UBI - Unexplained Beer Injury
LOBNH - Lights On But Nobody Home
CNS-QNS - Central Nervous System - Quantity Not Sufficient

*Top medical sayings*

_Digging for Worms_ - varicose vein surgery
_Departure Lounge_ - elderly ward
_Pumpkin Positive_ - refers to the implication that a penlight shone into the patient's mouth would encounter a brain so small that the whole head would light up
_Handbag Positive_ - confused patient (usually elderly lady) lying on hospital bed clutching handbag
_Tissuectomy_ - constantly having to remove a tissue or handkerchief from the elderly lady's other hand
_Dirt Bag Index_ - multiply the number of tattoos with the number of missing teeth to give an estimate of the number of days since the patient last bathed

The increasing rate of litigation means that there is a far higher chance that doctors will be asked in court to explain the exact meaning of NFN (Normal for Norfolk) or FLK (Funny looking kid).

Dr Fox recounts the tale of one doctor who had scribbled TTFO - an expletive expression roughly translated as "Told To Go Away" - on a patient's notes. Apparently he said: "This guy was asked by the judge what the acronym meant, and luckily for him he had the presence of mind to say: 'To take fluids orally'."

And much of the slang is directed at colleagues rather than patients. Thus rheumatology, considered by hard-pressed juniors one of the less busy specialties, becomes "_rheumaholiday_", the "_Freud Squad_" are psychiatrists, and "_Gassers_" and "_Slashers_" are anaesthetists and general surgeons respectively.

Dr Fox is keen to point out that neither he, nor the other authors of the paper, published in the journal Ethics and Behavior, actually advocate using any of the terms. He simply says: "It's a form of communication, and it needs to be recorded.


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## pds (Dec 24, 2007)

Reminds me of my time as a shoe salesman with Willy Yaselow,

PIA - of course
34 (three four) - A PIA that will waste your time but never buy
68 - a double barreled 3 4
Rodney - a fox had entered the store
One eleven - a guy who would spend a bundle if you took care of him - usually good for two pair of anything that fit.

Yes, too much time on your hands


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## Just_Kris (Dec 26, 2007)

check out House of God!  Its full of acronyms.  Here are some of my favorites, both from the book as well as others:

Gomer = get out of my ER
DFO = done fell out (handy for those who pass out at sight of needles)
LGFD = looks good from door


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## chevy (Dec 26, 2007)

Finaly I understand what the doctor said when he called my Pumpkin positive !


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## Rhisiart (Jan 7, 2008)

More....

*Adminosphere*
The pleasantly decorated and furnished palatial offices of hospital management.

*Administrivia*
The flurry of pointless emails and paperwork that emanate from the adminosphere.

*Blamestorming*
A session of mutual recrimination during which a multidisciplinary team attempts to apportion blame for some particularly egregious error.

*Seagull Session*
Someone above you enters a meeting, craps over everyone and leaves quickly.

*404 moment*
The point in a ward round when-despite all efforts to look through the notes or access electronic systems, a particular result cannot be located. (From the world wide web error message "404 document not found.").

*Techno biscuits/cookies*
E, ecstasy, or methylenedioxymethamphetamine (MDMA) - a class A drug under the Misuse of Drugs Act 1971. Commonly used as a recreational drug by clubbers. An emergency doctor might say: "The man in cubicle 3 looks like he&#8217;s taken one too many techno biscuits."

*Father Jack*
The confused, usually elderly patient whose constant high pitched verbal ejaculation and attempts to get out of bed are responsible for insomnia on wards. (From a character in the television series Father Ted, who would sit in the corner of a room shouting "Drink," "Feck," "Arse," etc.).

*Fonzie*
A middle grade doctor seemingly unflappable in any medical emergency. Based on the character Arthur "Fonzie" Fonzarelli from the American sitcom Happy Days. The allusion is to a conversation in the final scene of the Quentin Tarantino film Pulp Fiction:
_Yolanda_: You don&#8217;t hurt him!
_Jules_: Nobody&#8217;s gonna hurt anybody. We&#8217;re gonna be like three little Fonzies here. And what&#8217;s Fonzie like? Come on, Yolanda! What&#8217;s Fonzie like?
_Yolanda_: Cool?
_Jules_: What?
_Yolanda_: He&#8217;s cool.
_Jules_: Correctamundo! And that&#8217;s what we&#8217;re gonna be. We&#8217;re gonna be cool.

*Gerifix*
A combination of broad spectrum antibiotics, thiazide diuretics, and nebulised bronchodilators (with or without corticosteroids) prescribed to elderly patients admitted to UK hospitals between October and March.

*FUUO*
Acronym usually attributed to sick elderly patients unable to communicate with fever, respiratory difficulties, normal chest X-ray, and urinary abnormalities, corresponding to _Fever of Upper Respiratory or Urinary Origin_. These patients are usually treated with Gerifix.

*Hasselhoff*
A patient presenting to accident and emergency with an injury with a bizarre explanation. (After the former Baywatch actor David Hasselhoff, who suffered a freak injury when he hit his head on a chandelier while shaving. The broken glass severed four tendons as well as an artery in his right arm, which required immediate surgery.4)

*Buzz Lightyear or AWTB (Away with the birds)*
Confused patient.

*Supratentorially Challenged*
Dim patient.

*It&#8217;s like . . .*
The opening words of every medical or nursing student sentence. Just ignore.

*Jack Bauer*
A doctor still up and working after 24 hours on the job&#8212;now something of a rarity but will be recognised by older clinicians. Usually a bit tetchy:
Colleague: Going for lunch, Jack?
_JB_: (shouts) "THERE ISN&#8217;T TIME!"
[From the lead character in the television series 24]

*Empho-Tilt*
The lateral movement of the head to an angle of 45° to the vertical by a nurse. It is intended to convey sympathy and understanding. 

*Ringo*
Expendable member of a team. After Ringo Starr, drummer with the Beatles. John, Paul, and George went on to successful solo careers. Ringo did the voiceover for Thomas the Tank Engine.

*Search and Rescue*
The medical middle grader allocated to look after the patients dotted in non-medical wards.

*Testiculation*
The holding forth with expressive hand gestures by a consultant on a subject on which he or she has little knowledge (concatenation of testicle and gesticulate).

*Ward 101*
The source of referrals that fills the recipient with dread (from room 101, which contained all the deepest fears of the protagonist in George Orwell&#8217;s novel 1984).

and my favourite .....

*Kaiser Soze*
The registrar (usually surgical) who has an uncanny ability to disappear when the day's work needs to be done. They will invariably not answer bleeps or phone calls. From the cult movie 'The Usual Suspects'. Verbal Kint (of the Kaiser): "...and like that...(click of the fingers) He was gone"


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## reed (Jan 7, 2008)

WOW! This is amazing. Where do guys find this stuff? All I know is DOA...Dead On Arrival because the medics were OTL...Out To Lunch.


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## Rhisiart (Jan 7, 2008)

Actually reed, it's the other way round these days. The paramedics are either dead or injured because their clients are OTL.


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## reed (Jan 7, 2008)

Yes, indeed rhisiart. Your right about that.  
   I live next to a Firehouse (Sappeur Pompier)...good friends there and I have a buddy who is a paramedic. High risk. Great folks.
  Famous true doc story: Lady looses her baby at birth. Doc anouncing the news: "do you have other children madam?" (mother nods yes)  "I'm glad because this one is a dudd." Now, that's OTL.


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## Rhisiart (Jan 9, 2008)

reed said:


> Yes, indeed rhisiart. Your right about that.
> I live next to a Firehouse (Sappeur Pompier)...good friends there and I have a buddy who is a paramedic. High risk. Great folks.
> Famous true doc story: Lady looses her baby at birth. Doc anouncing the news: "do you have other children madam?" (mother nods yes)  "I'm glad because this one is a dudd." Now, that's OTL.


I am sure it is true. However doctors are a little more tightly regulated these days. Your example shows this is no bad thing.


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## reed (Jan 9, 2008)

Depends where you are and what "health" system we are talking about. In Europe. No? A Scottish friend (retired) wouldn't touch the NHS with a ten foot pole. Off to Thailand, of all places etc. to take care of "business." I'm not sure why.My example of the "dudd" was from a doctor in Bristol....many years ago. I'm sure things have changed. Thank goodness.
  The Brits by the way, seem to go to France for their health problems a lot.Why is that? 
 Having said that, I'm sure you are aware of the horror stories in the US of A? Another vast program. Very scary in fact. All the best of health to all. Reed.


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## vanostade (Jan 19, 2008)

DE !! (= Mort de Rire !! deadly exhilaration!!)... Thank you for your December 24th humoristic bout , old Swansea black swan ! But you know ,  medical files  will become less & less funny , since here a law has been recently passed  forbidding  any crypted  abbrevation or personnal hints  concerning  the patient ...And since lawyers will poke their noses more & more frequently in those files , they will become more & more slick & neutral , of course .But I'm sure the matter anyway will never dry up  , since many file redactors wont resist going on writing down telling chapters : of that you have a good exemple in the answer written by a Dr " vanostade"  to the joyful message of Mr & Mrs "kilowatt"   ( "8 pounds2oz" , in "photo-album" )...Anyway , please go on cheering up the forum !
signed vanostade 
PS Hope you dont object to my nicknaming you from the black palmipede on your frontispice  & one of your neighbouring cities : I never could resist an idiot temptation ...Besides , I happened once , on a winter morning five years ago , passing on the road to Chamonix , to see a couple of black swans ( what were they doing here ???) on a half frozen pond , among the snow covered firs ...Most beautiful , you would have certainly taken a snapshot . I made some inquiries among the local ornithologists , they were as puzzled as me , & concluded they were stray birds ...Ciao !


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## vanostade (Jan 19, 2008)

DE !! (= Mort de Rire !! deadly exhilaration!!)... Thank you for your December 24th humoristic bout , old Swansea black swan ! But you know ,  medical files  will become less & less funny , since here a law has been recently passed  forbidding  any crypted  abbrevation or personnal hints  concerning  the patient ...And since lawyers will poke their noses more & more frequently in those files , they will become more & more slick & neutral , of course .But I'm sure the matter anyway will never dry up  , since many file redactors wont resist going on writing down telling chapters : of that you have a good exemple in the answer written by a Dr " vanostade"  to the joyful message of Mr & Mrs "kilowatt"   ( "8 pounds2oz" , in "photo-album" )...Anyway , please go on cheering up the forum !
signed vanostade 
PS Hope you dont object to my nicknaming you from the black palmipede on your frontispice  & one of your neighbouring cities : I never could resist a pun , whatever dumb ...Besides , I happened once , on a winter morning five years ago , passing on the road to Chamonix , to see a couple of black swans ( what were they doing here ???) on a half frozen pond , among the snow covered firs ...Most beautiful , you would have certainly taken a snapshot . I made some inquiries among the local ornithologists , they were as puzzled as me , & concluded they were stray birds ...Ciao !


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