# What is your favourite quotes?



## Rhisiart (Dec 5, 2008)

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
_Mark Twain_

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent.
_Mahatma Gandhi_


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## fryke (Dec 5, 2008)

Did I Say That?
_Meat Loaf_

(I've used that as the intro quote for my latest book. Well, it's from 2003, so "latest" is a wide term... Either way: I find it a hilarious song title to use as a quote. Just try implementing it in conversation.)


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## Rhisiart (Dec 5, 2008)

fryke said:


> .....I've used that as the intro quote for my latest book..


What is the book?


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## ElDiabloConCaca (Dec 5, 2008)

It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.
_Unknown_


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## fryke (Dec 5, 2008)

Mein|Eid. German. Short stories in a funny frame.


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## Satcomer (Dec 6, 2008)

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity."  - Albert Einstein


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## Giaguara (Dec 6, 2008)

Too many to pick just a few.. but I try to keep a track of the ones that I like most..

Never express yourself more clearly than you think.
~ Neils Bohr
I complained that I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.
~ Persian proverb
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
~ Leonardo da Vinci 
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
~ Samuel Clemens
Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius, and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.
~ Albert Einstein


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## Rhisiart (Dec 6, 2008)

fryke said:


> Mein|Eid. German. Short stories in a funny frame.


I'm impressed. Its a great feeling to see something you have done in print.



Giaguara said:


> I complained that I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.
> ~ Persian proverb


Excellent.


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## nixgeek (Dec 6, 2008)

Being a keyboardist, here's one that I'd like to think I might have come up with....unless someone already coined it.

_"You must control your voltage before you can oscillate."_


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## Doctor X (Dec 6, 2008)

> Does it really matter what these affectionate people do--so long as they dont do it in the streets and frighten the horses?
> 
> --*Mrs. Beatrice Stella Tanner Campbell*











> This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
> 
> --_reviewing _Atlas Shrugged
> 
> ...










> Ladies never move.
> 
> --*Lord* (George Nathaniel) *Curzon*, _instructing his second wife on sex_








--J.D.


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## reed (Dec 6, 2008)

'How very amusing! Actually attacking our camp! Most amusing'

Lt-Col. Crealock to Major Clery, 22 January 1879

Battle of Isandlwana, Zululand


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## r2xmann (Dec 15, 2008)

1. I think it would be a good idea!
In reply to a reporter who asked "What do you think of Western Civilization?"
-Gandhi

2. I was scared the first time I had sex. I was all alone. 
-Rodney Dangerfield

3. Times are tough. The hookers are giving out toasters. 
-Rodney Dangerfield


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## bbloke (Dec 15, 2008)

"The difference between an optimist and a pessimist is that the pessimist is usually better informed."
- Claire Booth Luce


"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety."
- Benjamin Franklin


"It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt."
- misattributed to Mark Twain

Or: "Listen widely to remove your doubts and be careful when speaking about the rest and your mistakes will be few."
- Confucius


"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
- Oscar Wilde


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## mdnky (Dec 16, 2008)

"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." &#8212; (attributed to Benjamin Franklin)

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." &#8212; Mark Twain

"I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty." &#8212; Groucho Marx

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man." &#8212; Mark Twain

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." &#8212; Groucho Marx

"Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough." &#8212; Groucho Marx

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." &#8212; Groucho Marx

"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." &#8212; Groucho Marx

"The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open." &#8212; Groucho Marx

"While hunting in Africa, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How an elephant got into my pajamas I'll never know." &#8212; Groucho Marx

"Love goes out the door when money comes innuendo." &#8212; Groucho Marx

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception." &#8212; Groucho Marx

"I have nothing but confidence in you. And very little of that." &#8212; Groucho Marx

"Here's to our girlfriends and wives; may they never meet!" &#8212; Groucho Marx

"It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress." &#8212; Mark Twain

"Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand." &#8212; Mark Twain

"Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." &#8212; Mark Twain

"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure." &#8212; Mark Twain

"The report of my death was an exaggeration." &#8212; Mark Twain, New York Journal, June 2, 1897


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## Rhisiart (Dec 16, 2008)

MDINKY: I think some of these quotes are attributed to Oscar Wilde, not Mark Twain. Maybe I am wrong.

"The report of my death was an exaggeration."

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

Unless our Oscar was plagiarist.


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## Doctor X (Dec 16, 2008)

Quotes are often misattributed.  The first is generally attributed to Mark Twain or another guy, Samuel Clemens.  I have not seen it attributed to Wilde.  It is from a letter to the _New York Sun_ and the original phrase was: ". . . this report of my death was an exaggeration."






The Dorothy Parker quote regarding the Yale Prom is often printed differently, but it comes from a person who _heard_ her say it.  We often alter and improve on quotes.

For another example, FDR's VP for his first two terms expected FDR to only last one term, and he would become President.  His comment on the Vice Presidency is often reported as "not worth a warm bucket of spit."

It was actually "a warm bucket of piss."  It was censored in the news.

And, again, Churchill never said that there were only three "grand traditions of the Royal Navy: rum, sodomy, and the lash!"--it was an aide--but remarked he wished he had.

One of the weirdest misattributions I have seen on Al Gore's Interwebs was some clown who attributed the infamous Cromwell quote--incorrectly phrased--to . . . Einstein!  Did not know Einstein was a Puritan!  He stormed off after that correction!

I had the occasion to correct a quote attributed to Yogi Berra--he did not actually say it.  But as his books notes, "I never said half the things I said!"

Though, my favorite quote from Yogi--as a *Glorious Red Sox* fan:



> They could've waited another year.
> 
> --Yogi Berra, _asked during opening of his library in '05 if he was at least happy for the Red Sox winning a World Series_



--J.D.


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## bbloke (Dec 16, 2008)

Looks like people like the "better to keep your mouth shut/closed" quote, as it has been cited three times now.      There seem to be a couple of variations:



			
				Wikiquote said:
			
		

> They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.
> Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.
> The first variant was written by Franklin, with quotation marks but almost certainly his original thought, sometime shortly before February 17, 1775 as part of his notes for a proposition at the Pennsylvania Assembly. See Memoirs of the life and writings of Benjamin Franklin.
> 
> The second variant was used as a motto on the title page of An Historical Review of the Constitution and Government of Pennsylvania. (1759) This book was published by Franklin; its author was Richard Jackson, but Franklin did claim responsibility for some small excerpts.



I agree, quotes are often misattributed.  Unfortunately some rather good ones are too!

BTW, "Samuel Clemens" was the real name of Mark Twain, in case there was any confusion.


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## Doctor X (Dec 16, 2008)

bbloke said:


> BTW, "Samuel Clemens" was the real name of Mark Twain, in case there was any confusion.



Yeeeeessssssssss . . .

Reminds me of a story: whilst listening to the radio, yet another abomination from Sir Paul "That Doggone Girl is Mine!" McCartney came on.  I turned to a colleague and quipped:

"Was Paul McCartney in a band before "Wings?"

Colleague responded, "a little one."  We laughed.  About ten minutes later, a teen-volunteer responded:

"I think he was in _The Beatles_?"

--J.D.


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## bbloke (Dec 16, 2008)

No need to be inflammatory, it was not entirely clear whether you were joking or did not know (not everyone does)...


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## Doctor X (Dec 16, 2008)

Mark Clemens was also reported to have quipped that Shakespeare did not write his plays; they were written by another with the same name.

Just being flammatory.

--J.D.


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## nixgeek (Dec 16, 2008)

Doctor X said:


> Mark Clemens was also reported to have quipped that Shakespeare did not write his plays; they were written by another with the same name.
> 
> *Just being flammatory.*
> 
> --J.D.



Here, this should help...







You can thank me in the morning.


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## Doctor X (Dec 16, 2008)

There use to be adds where a person with "painful itching and swelling" would walk into a pharmacy for relief to find an entire wall devoted to Preparation H.  Had to wonder what was wrong with the town's water supply to justify such a stock.  Maybe the deli?



> *Kill* _v.t._ To create a vacancy without nominating a successor.
> 
> --_The Devil's Dictionary_
> 
> ...








--J.D.


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## Doctor X (Dec 17, 2008)

From one of my favorite books--the opening:



> When I got over to Leonard's Christmas Eve night, he had the Kentucky Headhunters turned way up over at his place, and they were singing, "The Ballad of Davy Crockett," and Leonard, in a kind of Christmas celebration, was once again setting fire to the house next door.
> 
> --Joe R. Lansdale, _The Two-Bear Mambo_



--J.D.


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## reed (Dec 17, 2008)

"I am not the State, but almost." Charles de Gaulle


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## mdnky (Dec 20, 2008)

Doctor X said:


> Quotes are often misattributed.  The first is generally attributed to Mark Twain or another guy, Samuel Clemens.



You got be careful with that...I'd estimate 50% of the population don't know they're the same guy.


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## reed (Dec 20, 2008)

Eureka!

  Archimedes


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## Doctor X (Dec 20, 2008)

mdnky said:


> You got be careful with that...I'd estimate 50% of the population don't know they're the same guy.



Well you know there are lies, damned lies, and statistics.





			
				reed said:
			
		

> Eureka!
> 
> Archimedes



Actually it was: "&#951;&#8021;&#961;&#951;&#954;&#945;" or more properly: "&#919;&#933;&#929;&#919;&#922;&#913;!"



Though it is probably an apocryphal story, it remains a good one.

--J. "&#949;&#947;&#969; &#949;&#953;&#956;&#953;" D.


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## g/re/p (Dec 20, 2008)

"An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind" - Mahatma Gandhi


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## Doctor X (Dec 20, 2008)

"But the one eye'd man will be king."

--Boris the Bulgar Slayer

--J.D.


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## g/re/p (Dec 21, 2008)

just don't stand in front of the train, no matter how fascinating the frequency of the whistle is..

-Anonymous


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## Rhisiart (Dec 21, 2008)

My only regret in life was that I wasn't somebody else.

_Woody Allen_


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## Doctor X (Dec 21, 2008)

Since this is a Mac site, in the midst of another, "Mac suxxorz cuz nothing works on it" debate:



			
				seebs said:
			
		

> [Describing Windows Modal Dialogue Box--Ed.] There is NOTHING you can do on Windows to fix this. You can never, for any amount of money, make using Windows not suck. You can get used to it and mostly put up with it and learn to get around all this crap (and that is merely one of dozens of essentially similar examples)... But you can never fix it.





			
				seebs said:
			
		

> If I take someone who's a bit annoyed by computers and doesn't really enjoy learning how to use new software, and I hand them a Windows XP machine and a camera, what are the chances of successful photo editing without cussing? I've tried this with a Mac. Plug the camera in over USB, pictures show up, informative and coherent dialog options are offered. I somehow doubt it works as seamlessly on Windows.





			
				seebs said:
			
		

> Finally, there's a key issue about the availability of developer tools. Developing for Windows is a pain. You can find things people like less, but I've never heard of anyone claiming that Windows was pleasant or enjoyable to program for. By contrast, developing for the Mac is actually mostly pretty pleasant. It's got some quirks, but the underlying model is a developer-friendly one. The system has real documentation, and the widespread availability of good tools means that the system gets a lot of attention, and a lot of bug reports... And yes, Apple processes and works on bug reports filed by people who haven't got support contracts. Unlike Microsoft.
> 
> What this means is that developers on the Mac are having more fun, and are spending less time fighting the machine. Per hour of development, the software is consistently better. The software is more likely to have a bit of polish -- to be pleasant, rather than merely theoretically functional. And that shows, not just in the use of the base system, but in application software



And the _coup de grace_:



			
				seebs said:
			
		

> What does the Mac do? Pretty much the same things the PC does, usually in about half the time and with under a quarter of the cussing. That's worth having.



And the guy is not a Mac Zealot [Tm.--Ed.]; he works in PC and Mac.

--J.D.


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## g/re/p (Dec 21, 2008)

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted. 

- John Lennon


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## Rhisiart (Dec 22, 2008)

I spent 90% of my money on booze and birds. I wasted the rest.

_George Best_


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## Doctor X (Dec 22, 2008)

"Ringo" who?

_Pete Best_



--J.D.


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## rubaiyat (Dec 22, 2008)

_"Wish I said that"_

Me


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## Doctor X (Dec 22, 2008)

"You will, *rubaiyat*, you will."

--_Moi_


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## Satcomer (Dec 23, 2008)

"Do you know the old robot saying: (in your best robot voice) Does Not Compute." - Bender


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## g/re/p (Dec 24, 2008)

" Life is like a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it Once."

- Veldena


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## Doctor X (Dec 24, 2008)

After a long thread on Mac _versus_ PC--with contributions [Plagiarized.--Ed.] provided by threads HERE and on another site--"should I get a Mac or a PC laptop"--here is the originator's latest post:



			
				Mentat said:
			
		

> Hello, from a new Mac.
> 
> This thing rocks. The OS is superb, the computer is fast, and it has a keyboard button that looks like a castle (it says command under it).





--J.D.


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## reed (Dec 25, 2008)

'(We) are now very sorry indeed, particularly in the killing and eating of the parts of its employees.'

King Koko and the chiefs of the Brassmen to the Prince of Wales, 1895


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## Doctor X (Dec 25, 2008)

> I shan't think we will see an Indian at all this summer,
> 
> --Custer's Army Physician, _writing in journal three days before Little Big Horn_



For some reason, capitalization is not working.

--J.D.


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## g/re/p (Dec 26, 2008)

"I never insult guests personally or talk over them the way they do to me, so anyone who won't go on with me is just being a @u$$y"

- Ann Coulter


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## Doctor X (Dec 26, 2008)

_He is SO dumb, he thought the _Gettysburg Address_ was where Lincoln lived._

--Wanda Gerscherwitz

--J. "Don't Call Me Stupid!" D.


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## chevy (Dec 27, 2008)

> Always changing the future is.


 Master Yoda


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## Doctor X (Dec 27, 2008)

Bah!  Yoda is WEAK!  Prefer to quote the Japanese Original!



> Don't worry about your beard when you're about to lose your head!
> 
> --Headman, _Seven Samurai_





> Such pretty faces!  Anger makes them sweater!
> 
> --Sanjuro Kuwabatake, _Yojimbo_



--J.D.


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## reed (Jan 3, 2009)

"I am not worth purchasing, but such as I am, the King of Great Britain is not rich enough to do it"
Colonel Joseph Reed


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## g/re/p (Jan 5, 2009)

"Though I speak with the tongues of angels, if I have not love I am but a resounding bell or a clanging bell". 

-St. Paul


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## Doctor X (Jan 6, 2009)

In response:



> What a man believes upon grossly insufficient evidence is an index into his desires -- desires of which he himself is often unconscious. If a man is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in accordance to his instincts, he will accept it even on the slightest evidence. The origin of myths is explained in this way.
> 
> --Bertrand Russell



--J.D.


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## Spiritinthesky (Jan 20, 2009)

"I gave up drugs when the doctor told me I had 6 months to live" Keith Richards


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## ora (Jan 20, 2009)

> How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.


The Great Spike Milligan


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## Rhisiart (Jan 20, 2009)

ora said:


> How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
> _Spike Milligan_


Arcane humour. Not for everyone.

And of course his epitaph:

_I told you I was ill_.


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## reed (Jan 31, 2009)

"I don't whether I should sh*t or wind my watch" George Carlin


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## Rhisiart (Feb 2, 2009)

The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.
_George Bernard Shaw_


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## reed (Feb 6, 2009)

"Il vaut mieux gacher sa jeunesse que de n'en rien faire du tout."  Georges Courteline


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## chevy (Feb 7, 2009)

"My name is Bond, James Bond."

- ?


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## chevy (Feb 7, 2009)

Doctor X said:


> Bah!  Yoda is WEAK!  Prefer to quote the Japanese Original!



I agree as a general statement. Nevertheless in this particular case where Yoda is supposed to see in the future, which prevents people actions to change the future and therefore makes people actions worthless - killing the concept of freedom - Yoda's quote makes sense.


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## reed (Feb 7, 2009)

"The cruelest of lies are often told in silence" R. L. Stevenson


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## andychrist (Feb 7, 2009)

Old folk love to give good advice to console themselves for no longer being able to set a bad example.

- François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld


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## reed (Feb 8, 2009)

"The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons" Ralph Waldo Emerson


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## andychrist (Feb 8, 2009)

We can forgive those who bore us.  We can never forgive those whom we bore.

- Oscar Wilde


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## reed (Feb 8, 2009)

(refering to Frank Harris) "He was invited to all the great houses of England. Once."

Oscar Wilde


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## slrman (Mar 3, 2009)

"Beliefs, no matter how sincerely held, do not alter facts."  (#15 in my personal list of Universal Truths)


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## Doctor X (Mar 3, 2009)

chevy said:


> "my name is bond, james bond."
> 
> - ?





> *goldfinger:* choose your next witticism carefully, mr. Bond, it may be your last.
> 
> *bond:* do you expect me to talk, goldfinger?
> 
> *goldfinger:* no, mr. Bond!  I expect you to _die_!



--j.d.

Why does this thing automatically convert capitals to minuscules?


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## pds (Mar 3, 2009)

Where's the beef?!

- Dave


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## Doctor X (Mar 4, 2009)

I've . . . *SEEN* things . . . you people wouldn't believe!  Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion! I watched sea beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate!  All those moments will be lost in time . . . like tears in the rain.  Time . . . to die.

--Roy Batty, _Blade Runner_

--J. "*I've* Done . . . Questionable Things" D.


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## Rhisiart (Mar 4, 2009)

I have to look beautiful so that the poor Filipinos will have a star to look at from their slums. 

_Imelda Marcos _


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## slrman (Mar 4, 2009)

pds said:


> Where's the beef?!



That's what she said!


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## chevy (Mar 4, 2009)

"Je crois que j'ai une ouverture."

Michel Blanc in Les Bronzés.


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## Rhisiart (Mar 5, 2009)

chevy said:


> "Je crois que j'ai une ouverture."
> 
> Michel Blanc in Les Bronzés.


I believe I have an opening? Sorry my French is crap.


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## reed (Mar 6, 2009)

"Damn the torpedos full speed ahead" I forgot who said that.


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## Doctor X (Mar 6, 2009)

reed said:


> "Damn the torpedos full speed ahead" I forgot who said that.









Rear Admiral David Farragut, _Battle of Mobile Bay_

"Damn the torpedoes! Four bells. Captain Drayton, go ahead! Jouett, full speed!"

--J.D.


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## reed (Mar 6, 2009)

Thanks doc.


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## Rhisiart (Mar 14, 2009)

In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.

_Ellen DeGeneres_


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## reed (Mar 22, 2009)

I think I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel!.......... But its NEW JERSEY!!!!


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## CaptainQuark (Mar 25, 2009)

It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society._
Jiddu Krishnamurti_

I am no angel, unless an angel is a sinner that keeps trying
_Nelson Mandela_


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## voice- (Mar 26, 2009)

Every once in a while Star Trek brings up excellent points.


"I believe in coincidences. Coincidences happen every day. But I don't _trust_ coincidences."
-Garak


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## g/re/p (Mar 26, 2009)

It took us a long time to find out that we had been lied to by our parents' generation. The moralities that were followed during our parents' generation were basically arbitrary. This caused a rift between the two generations, which was brought on by the beatniks. 

- Peter Fonda


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## Satcomer (Mar 29, 2009)

"Hurricanes are like women: when they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car." - Anonymous


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## Rhisiart (Mar 30, 2009)

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: If you were my husband I would put poison in your tea."

Winston Churchill to Lady Astor: "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."



Satcomer said:


> "Hurricanes are like women: when they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car." - Anonymous


Used in Traffic (directed by Steven Soderbergh).


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## reed (Apr 1, 2009)

Years ago, walking with my wife on 86th Street between 3rd and Lex., NYC, I ran into my old friend Jimmy... to my wife he says...

"dear you're looking so good I thought you were with your uncle." 

Jimmy Hylande (since deceased). Great friend.


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## pds (Apr 3, 2009)

The reason a lot of people do not recognize opportunity is because it usually goes around wearing overalls looking like hard work. 
_Thomas A. Edison _


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## pds (Apr 3, 2009)

Corollary:

The trouble with trouble is it always starts out just like fun.
_Ralph_


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## Doctor X (Apr 6, 2009)

_This just in:_  From a poster discussing a friend on a different forum who comes from South Africa:



			
				ChuckF said:
			
		

> Oh, and one time we got into a Mac/PC argument and I invoked Apartheid.



Sorry, I find that awesome.

--J.D.


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## g/re/p (Apr 11, 2009)

There isn't any symbolism. The sea is the sea. The old man is an old man. The boy is a boy and the fish is a fish. The sharks were all sharks no better and no worse. All the symbolism that people say is shit. What goes beyond is what you see beyond when you know. 

~Ernest Hemingway (describing The Old Man and the Sea  - qtd. in Elizondo, 1952)


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## michaelsanford (Apr 21, 2009)

You'll forgive me for being glib: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=site:identi.ca+!q+msanford&btnG=Search

Some samples:

"What are the first two steps to installing !linux on an old computer? 1Open case; 2Vacuum." (me!  )

"This sector is *not* unchartedyou lost the chart!" Kiff Kroker (Futurama, S3E5)

And, drum roll "This is our world now. The world of the electron and the switch; the beauty of the baud."

And my introductory sentence could be a candidate...maybe I'll submit it to fortune-mod


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## reed (Jun 17, 2009)

"beat quick"

 G.A. Custers last written message (to his brother).


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