# The Matrix Agent Diary



## Matrix Agent (Aug 24, 2002)

Inspired by sites such as kuro5hin.org, I have decided to write a pilot diary, to see if it actually works, at least on macosx.com that is. I'd build a blog, but I lack the time and energy...

So, if there are no objections, let's begin...

Hmm... What do I want to talk about? Let's start off with some basics, to set a background. I'm 17 years old and will soon begin my senior year at a public high school in upstate NY. There was only one other mac aficianado at the school, and he just graduated. So, in basic, I'm a kind of maverick at my school. I partake in neither drugs or alcohol, and would tend to take a more conservative view of the social scene.

Anyways, it feels good to get things off my chest, so let's start talking...

This summer I've held down the job that I've had for the past year, but only for the past 2 months have I begun to collect pay. I work in a biology research lab at Albany Medical College, as part of a student research program at my high school. For the technically inclined, here is an abstract. My name will be on the next paper. Anyways, I at one point thought that I would enjoy this research, but now it seems that Biology just "isn't my bag, baby." But I continue to work there because I know that its important for my college entrance. So that basically summarizes a large portion of my summer.

In more intersting news, I can detail the social scene thats been going on. Lately, its been a little like a soap opera for me, not that I can say I mind. Let's start off at the beginning. On June 2 my and my girlfriend over over one year broke up. I was ready for it, even happy. She was not, and she took it hard. I even felt bad, right up until the point that she wrote me a letter three weeks later, stating that she was dating my best friend, who himself had failed to disclose this.  

But it's highschool, what do you expect?

So, blissfully freed of my bonds, I went out to play the field. It seemed that luck wa son my side when I showed up at my friend's graduation party. Now, this friend's father, up until this year, owned a local swim club. As a result they are given special privileges, so the party was thrown at this swim club for free. So I showed up on time, not exactly "fashionably late", and was of course the only guest who had arrived so far.

So I sat around, chatted a little, when this beautiful woman shows up. (In this diary, I will refer to females as "women" rathger than "girls" because I think its more respectful, plus, I'm getting to the age where you really don't have the choice.) Anyways we immediately strike up a conversation, It seemed that my luck had returned. It turns out, this girl absolutely blew my mind. She, like my friend, was graduating for HS this year, and was headed to, of all places, Harvard, something I've always aspired to do. She loves debate, and reading. (So, I admit, she's not exactly a rabid mac fan, but that might be asking for too much.) This woman is extemely intelligent, the type of person who earns my respect very quickly. So, anyway, getting back to the story, we make our moves and everything is going to plan. We swim a little, play some "european football", some vollyball, and then eventualyl decide that we are going to go see a movie. 

Now, rather than just have the woman come with me, since my house is two minutes away from the theater, my friend insists that she go with him. See, my friend has a lot of problems, but I'll save that for later....

So the movie goes over well, I get her #'s, she get's mine, and we both go home giddy. After a few chats on the telly we decide to meet up, she picks the time and place, she wants my to meet her friends. Mistake...

Up to this point I had just been iin heaven over this girl, I had never met anyone like her. Of course, understandably, it all had to come crashing down. She wanted to meet up at this local affluent strip-mall (oxymoron?) so that we can go to Fridays.Sounds good to me. So when I arrive there, both of her friends are already there. First Impression: "Wow, her friend looks like a total s*ut. Not cool." But I continue, we go into a few "trendy" stores which are just really just selling total trash at ourageous prices, but these kids buy in heavily. After hearing them talk about Tiffany bracelets I began to just want to leave. It was sickening. Now, I dont care how rich anyone is, but these kids were afraid to show it. "Conspicuous Consumption" I believe its called. 

So over dinner I was treated to a long diatribe by her friends about how many "hook-ups" they had had. 22 was the standing record for one woman. Let me clarify that, it was 22 different guys, with the obvious hinting that some were more involved than a one-time thing.

As her friends talk about this, the woman I had once respected looked on in horror. I was wearing the same face on the inside, but I tried to keep my exterior as pleasant as possibly. To say the least, I was very dissapointed. I broke it off when we returned to her car. Which, BTW, is a 2002 BMW 325i, given to her as a graduation present. Just to give you an idea of the type of money we're talking about here.

So I get out of her car, and get into mine, immediately after having explained to her that "I wouldn't fit in." I had gone from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. The only thing that helped was Nintendo.  

So we talked for a week afterwards, online only. At times I almost wanted to forget what had happened, the woman who I had talked to up to that second meeting was amazing, but the fact remains that you can't aska person to change.

So, weeks went by, and we didn't talk at all. To say the least, I was over it and didn't miss the conversation.

Just about after we went our separate ways, I began taking an SAT class which just so happened to be in the back of that very same plaza. It was a fun class, but only torwards the end when people began breaking the ice with one another. All this time I had expected to see the "Harvard gal" (I know this is a violation of my rule, but its my diary, so whatever.), since her friends had made it out to seem that they came there quite often. But, It seemed that I was wrong, for I had gone right up until my last class without seeing her, and I must admit, I was looking...

So on my break during my last class, I was walking down to the strip on my way to grab a drink, when this woman from my class finally starts putting out some signals. They're very welcome since this woman is a looker. So in detour from going to get a drink to rather go with her and a bunch of her friends to a drug store to get some random stuff. So, like a true player, I'm walking down the strip with a bunch of girls, when I round a corner, and walk straight into the harvard gal. Now, I had been expecting this, but we were both shellshocked. Especially her, since apparently she know every single person who I was walking with. I guess they all go to the same school, a private academy.

So, in the traditional way, I lose my head. After we both say our awkward goodbyes to one another, I go down to the drug store and get a package of pens, and leave the drugstore, as well as the cute woman who was sending signals. I run over to my car and began franticly writing a note to give to the harvard gal, or at least slip under her windsheld. About 30 seconds into it, I just stop. Why was I doing this? Confused and out of time, I returned to class.

So, class only lasted another half a hour, allowing me to leave a full 30 minutes earlier than usual. Thankfully, it seems that this girl that had been sending signals did not take offense at my actions, and asked me if I would like to join her at the starbucks down the street. What do you think I did?

So I had a good time at Starbucks. I'm not much of a coffee fan, so I ordered an iced chai. It was really good, I finished it in about 10 seconds. I wonder if you can order iced chai without ice? 

Anyways, it seems that me and this "Haverford gal" (That's where she wants to attend, and I think its a fun naming scheme. And oh yeah, no I do not equate anyone's value with the school of their attendance, this is all for fun.  ) are basically thinking on the same page. We expressed the same disdain for the snooty-type attitudes exhibited at the academy she attends. It was very refreshing. We spent about 30 minutes together, and I was running out of time. When a friend she knew stopped in, I seized my chance. Symbolically  , I ripped a blank section off of my crumpled letter to harvard gal, and gave her my #. She seemed to want it, I went home happy.

So since then, things have gone well. Me and haverford girl have been getting along very well, though we have not been able to meet up once again. As far as coincidences go, try this on for size. Out of all the places possible, she has a regular babysitting customer, who just so happens to be two doors down. Never have seen her coming or going. Small world, eh?

Oh yeah, FYI: the harvard girl got her room assignment. Its a four person suite where once of the kennedys once stayed. That's what I call a school where history is alive.

So, Im going to be gone for about the next week, and when I get back I'' have plenty more to write about. And the diaries will gradually improve as I go from more of a "recap the last two months" style writing, into a "what happened this week" style. Hopefully this was coherant, as well as amusing. If you've gotten this far, I thank you for your time, I've stolen a large chunk. IF you have questions of comments, please write in this thread. The more the merrier!


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## symphonix (Aug 25, 2002)

OOOoohh, can I "Blog" too? (puts on alien-visitor voice) "What is this thing that you call ... Blogging?"

Hi, Matrix.

I think you need to be a little easier on people sometimes ... you really didn't give Harvard Girl a chance. There is a possibility that she was ashamed of the way her friends were acting, and that she isn't really like that. Perhaps her friends were even trying to get rid of you ... If these girls were really as arrogant as they sound, they might have decided you weren't "good enough" or her.
For future reference, you've got to give a girl a chance to show that she's not like that.
Put that one down to experience, I guess.

Anyway, I sometimes resent people who have incredible amounts of money. I worked for three years when I finished high-school. Then, I sold my 20-year-old car so I could afford to go to university. Its sometimes hard to keep my cool when a kid fresh out of high school runs my bicycle off the road in a brand-new mercedes, and you know its been payed for by daddy. (Plus, it doesn't make it easy to take a girl out, but you sometimes have to make sacrifices to get ahead)

Haverford girl sounds really nice. I think as long as you're attentive and caring, it won't matter to her what happens in your life. 

Its good to hear from you Matrix. Stay cool, and Think Different.

- Symphonix


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## Trip (Aug 26, 2002)

Dear official macosx.com therapist,
I'm 16 now, and I can "legally" (ha!) date. So I'm interested in becomming friends with some girls. But I don't know how to start. Walking up and saying "Hi my name is ****** what's yours?" just sounds funny and like something outta tv! Is there anything I can do to start being friends with some girls. Not girlfriends per say, but just becomming friends and getting to know about them. I can work if I have something to work with. So basically I just need to know how to get introduced. Thanks a ton!

Tanner Christensen
16, Provo High School.


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## symphonix (Aug 27, 2002)

Hey, I'm 22 and I still haven't figured that one out.  

I think: be kind, friendly and polite, and be yourself. Don't get hung up on trying to ask her out or get her number or anything, just be nice to her.


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## edX (Aug 27, 2002)

speaking as someone with a pretty good history with women and not as a therapist, i have to say that saying "Hi" is a great start. but don't offer your name. after you have managed to talk to her for a bit, ask her name. talk some more. if she asks you your name, she's interested. if not forget about her and move on. 

meeting women is simply a numbers game. the more women you start a conversation with, the more likely you are to meet one that likes you. learn to live with that kind of rejection. you didn't lose anything - you just didn't gain anything - except experience. and the more experience you get with women, the easier thay become. do not beat yourself up and over analyse every conversation that doesn't develop. the world is full of women who are constantly asking themselves these same questions about men.

a few extra hints - learn to talk about things other than tech stuff, scifi, and sports. TV and movies are normally safe as long as you pick popular ones to start with. Don't be afraid to give honest complimants. Ask her questions - then you don't have to talk much and you will get a quick idea of what you might have in common. Have feelings. acting all stoic is not going to get you anywhere. but being too emotional is a turn off as well. Being happy with you are without a woman goes a long way towards attracting one. 

that seems like enough for your first lesson.


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## Matrix Agent (Aug 31, 2002)

> _Originally posted by symphonix _
> *Hi, Matrix.
> 
> I think you need to be a little easier on people sometimes ... you really didn't give Harvard Girl a chance. There is a possibility that she was ashamed of the way her friends were acting, and that she isn't really like that. Perhaps her friends were even trying to get rid of you ... If these girls were really as arrogant as they sound, they might have decided you weren't "good enough" or her.
> ...



You know, I thought the exact same thing. And I'm not even going to add a qualifier to that. I problably didn't give her enough of a chance, I attribute my haste to my own fears that it would slide out of control. So... Yeah, I will be marking that one down in the experience catergory.

So... I just got back from my college tour. There were nine separate schools, and the ride home was 10 hour drive straight up from Virginia. It feels good to be back in New York. Even better to be on the internet. 

I went a whole week without it. I know. Incredible.

So, in basic, I have very little of any interest to post right now, so I'll problably wait a few more days to accumulate some drama. Its good to see that this thread has shot off in a bunch of topics, like I said, the more the merrier.



> Dear official macosx.com therapist,
> I'm 16 now, and I can "legally" (ha!) date. So I'm interested in becomming friends with some girls. But I don't know how to start. Walking up and saying "Hi my name is ****** what's yours?" just sounds funny and like something outta tv! Is there anything I can do to start being friends with some girls. Not girlfriends per say, but just becomming friends and getting to know about them. I can work if I have something to work with. So basically I just need to know how to get introduced. Thanks a ton!
> 
> Tanner Christensen
> 16, Provo High School.



In addition to Ed's wise words, I'd like to add a few of my own experiences. I must tell you that I'm not even 2 years older than you, so judge the following for yourself. From what I've seen, many women are very subtle, and they expect you to notice their signals. Men, on the other hand, are much more direct and would much rather just ask, "Hi my name is ****** what's yours?". But, unless you're the Big Man on Campus, then you're going to have to play by the ladies' rules. 

The best thing you can do is just go out and be friendly to everyone. If there's someone you're interested in, just say hi, and start a trivial conversation. If you get the feeling that they're not trying to continue the conversation, just end it, cut your losses. If you're lucky enough to gauge some interest from this person, just let loose, relax and ask some creative and constructive questions. 

To say the least, experince matters. Take smart risks.


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## symphonix (Sep 1, 2002)

Good to have you back, Matrix.

My blog for today: *I miss my Mac!*  

If you haven't heard, I dropped my iBook in to the only qualified tech in my town so I could finally get that lid-sensor fixed. I've ignored it for half a year, but the warranty is about to run out, so I thought I should get it done.

Anyhow, he's now laid up with the flu, so his PC tweaking offsiders have sent my little Mac off to Melbourne.

I visited a net-cafe for the first time ever last week, and ended up going off at the proprietor because the machine crashed 3 times in an hour. He seemed to think this was perfectly normal, as did all the other customers there ... I could tell I wasn't getting my money back.

What's more, I have projects mounting up and I have to do them on a PC now, which is the computing equivalent of using crayons to write a thesis. Is it just me?

Oh, and Ed, your advice is, as usual, right on the mark.


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## Matrix Agent (Sep 4, 2002)

> _Originally posted by symphonix _
> *I worked for three years when I finished high-school. Then, I sold my 20-year-old car so I could afford to go to university. Its sometimes hard to keep my cool when a kid fresh out of high school runs my bicycle off the road in a brand-new mercedes, and you know its been payed for by daddy. *



I must make an admission here. I think this is where a lot of my disgust for the "rich" type atitude comes from. Like you say symphonix, I personally drive a lexus. It doesn't belong to me _per se_, but when driving is a necesity, that is the car I drive. At some moments, I think of it as more a burden than a blessing, not that I expect you to feel bad for me. I'm afraid that people with automatically make the prejudice that I, in some terms, made against the Harvard girl. But I still stand by my decision. Anyways, I thought I should get that out of the way, since what's a "diary" if you're not going to be truthful?

Onward...

Updates!

So I have a few stories to tell and a few entries to ammend from my previous post.


_The Hummer_ 

A neighbor moved into a house down on the end of my street. Amazingly enough, he and his wife are the third occupants of that house in less than a year. (GE employees transfer in and out of the area quite frequently, this being the area where GE was founded, I think. ) Anyways, it appears that when someone commented that he "was spending his inheiritance", they were unwittingly correct. He decided to throw a small neighborhood get-together in order to meet the community. He had it catered. A bit of overkill if you tell me, but hey, I'm not paying. Plus, it tasted good. In addition to catering the party, I also got to look at/ride in his brand new H2-Hummer. Very cool. Not much of a fan for big American cars, BMW is more to my taste, but regardless, it was a very nice machine. Me and my friend were both invited to go with him, though only as passengers. On the whole, very cool. I don't think I've ever rid in a more expensive car. Actually, now that I think of it, I've never ridden in a limo. Does that strike anyone else as strange?


_The Haverford Girl_ 

So, I left everyone there last time with a bit of a cliffhanger. To put it in basic, things are well. I was able to meet her after my ride in the Hummer. Things went much better than at my first (and last) date with Harvard girl. No awkward silences. No points of contention. Things went well. Let me ask you all this: I brought my friend along, does this seem strange? I brought him for no reason other than the fact that it is very important that she is able to/likes to converse and interact with my friends. My ex-girlfriend of quite some time had this problem. The X liked my friends, even continues her friendsip with them today, but she could never wrap her mind around why I would ever want to just go out with them exclusively. I didn't bring him to stave off any awkwardness, though I would guess that she problably appreciated the gesture. Anyways, I'd appreciate your thoughts on this.

After dinner, we returned to my friend's house and went for a swim. It was a good time, albeit a little cold. We met again the next night, this time for a bit of ice cream, and two meet and embarrass a few people, which I will explain...

Overall, my atitude in this relationship has become very optimistic, and I see it affecting me in my everyday things. Always a positive. 


_The Sophomore_ 

Well, this one is a little strange, and takes some explanation, but its worth it. The X I told you about in the last passage, well, she will be from now on known as "the sophomore". Me and my friends are seniors this year, making us all about 2 years older than the sophomore. I must admit, the sophomore is a very cool girl. Has a neat imagination, and a good sense of humor. The kind of girl who doesn't make it a chore to just sit around and chat with. Through all of these positives, I've never really considered her from the romantic perspective. She was my X's little sister, and that's that. To complicate matters, in comes my friend, the same one who ate dinner with me and Haverford girl, and also gave us usage of his pool. Nice guy, never had problems finding girls, never have disagreements with him. So, while were at dinner, he comments randomly, "The sophomore is the coolest girl I know." You must understand that my friend has a weakness for exaggeration, and I therefore just accepted the statement as some weird random thought of his. But then, he later said it again. What is also imporant about my friend is that he has been involved with this girlfriend for about eight months, which is quite long in HS terms, if some of you have forgotten. I know that he is discontented with her, but she often gives him a lot of space, so he always comes back in due time. By the way, this friend will be known as "scuba boy".

Enter my other friend, who went with me and Haverford girl to get ice cream. From now on, he will be known as "afro boy". So afro boy tells me that scuba boy has ended his relationship, and in secret has been "fraternizing" with the sophomore. Code names are fun, aren't they? So, in one quick step, without either my or afro boy's advising, he just up and got rid of her, gave her half an excuse for it all, and then retreated to his house. Now, I don't feel particularly bad that scuba boy broke up with his girlfriend, but I must admit that there is some strangeness with him starting a relationship with the sophomore, whom I have hardly spoken with since my breakup with her sister.

You know, I didn;t want this to become a trite documentation of the f**ked up high school social scene, but it has anyway. Well, I think I'll end this entry, for those of you who were able to follow the complex plot and the bad code names, I salute you!


_First Day of School_ 

Tomorrow is the first day of school. I'm not dreading it, in the classical sense. In fact, I had forgotten that tomorrow was even the first day until about three this afternoon. Whatever. I'm looking forward to seeing all of those people who I forgot existed while is sailed through my uneventfull summer. In addition, I'm finally getting around to taking some intersting classes. This includes AP European History, AP Economics, AP Calculus, Physics, and Computer Programming. Plus, its fun to see how people have changed, for the good, and the bad.... But thats a long story that I will save for some other time. Its a long one, and HS politics aren't very palatable to me.


Tune in next time if you'd like to hear a stirring summary of why applying to college is a horrible experience!


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## symphonix (Sep 5, 2002)

Symphonix once again sticks his foot in his mouth.

Oh, well, I used to drive my dad's 1969 Daimler (think Jaguar Mk2 with a V8 engine). But, after 30 years of constant everyday use, the engine finally seized and it will be some time before either me or my dad have money to fix it up again. It was the nicest car I have ever driven, bar none, and I've driven a lot of cars for someone who is only 22. 

I've booked in to do my motorcycle learner's course in a few weeks. 

I'm in the process of re-doing my resume, and if I can find a summer job here (remember, we're on the top of the world in Australia, and all you guys are on the other side) I'll _finally_ be off my bicycle. I've been riding to school everyday now for the whole year, and my legs are going to fall off eventually.  

My new home is working out nicely. The people I'm sharing with are really quiet and polite, though they study so hard it makes me feel a little guilty sometimes.

Anyhow, it sounds like you're having fun over there, more or less. Keep us posted, mister matrix.


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## Trip (Sep 5, 2002)

Sounds like you got yourself one of them thar lives mr matrix. 
You're also lucky you didn't get called a "retard" 20 times today.


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## Matrix Agent (Sep 5, 2002)

Please explain Trip, this is your diary as much as it is mine...


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## Matrix Agent (Oct 6, 2002)

I thought I'd give this thread a small bump in hopeful anticipation that I will be able to add quite an update tomorrow night. See you then!


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## WoLF (Oct 6, 2002)

At least the Harvard Girl had a good choice in cars!  I love bimmers.


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