Anyone Someone Please Help Me!!!!!!!!

whitesaint

cocoa love
okay im glad you opened this thread, because im sorry to be so freakin selfish but i have the hugest problem. (you guys on this forum are seriously the only people i listen to and admire) okay im 16 turning 17 in a couple days, and i went to my old girlfriend's house tonight, and ummmmmm she has a b/f, and ummmm we started messin around and around and one thing led to another, and until we started having sex, with a plastic baggy thingy because we had no condoms, and we were both really in the mood. So we had sex for a while and i finally had the hugest orgasm inside of her, and when i took it out there was the biggest hole in the protection material. If she's pregnant, this coud ruin the rest of my life. Any suggestions PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE...abortion, adoption, either way i will walk around for the rest of my life with a scar in my heart. The only thing that will be safe is to hope she simply isnt pregnant, but i really doubt it. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SOMEONE WILL A LITTLE EXPERIENCE HELP ME!! PLEASE!!!
 

RacerX

Old Rhapsody User
16, boy that is very young. Let see, first and for most, lets start looking at the odds of her being pregnant. If one time was enough, then I wouldn't have friends that I know who have been trying to have children for years. Women run in cycles (very roughly two weeks on, two weeks off), and what you did only last a couple days at most. If the couple days overlaps the on period, then the possibility exist. This is something that you and her need to talk about because she knows her own cycles (or at least should).

The abortion/adoption question is her call. Physically, pregnancy introduces huge risks to the woman's health (I don't care how safe they say it is, many women die from it) and that risk increases the younger they are. Emotionally, either road introduces trauma into the woman's life that can not be avoided (though going through with the pregnancy would produce the longest and most intrusive). I have had close friends and relatives take both paths, and I can't say that either left any more or less emotional scaring.

Old girlfriend or stranger on the street, if you know that someone is involved with someone else, exit the situation immediately! There is nothing like finding out that some has cheated on you, and some people don't handle it very well either (I've seen too many cases where violence entered into the picture, and the other male, which in this case would be you, was on the receiving end). Also this most likely ends her relationship with the other guy in the long run (trust in the foundation of any and all relationships, and she has broken that trust... with your help). If you don't think that it would have lasted other wise, I would point out that I met my first wife when I was 16, and we were together for 11 years (9 of them married). The one you are going to be with doesn't happen on a schedule, so lets just hope that this guy wasn't her future husband.

As far as what you do from this point on, it is really up to her. You can support, suggest and advise, but she is the one who decides.
 

Murderer909

Violent Member
This is true? Wow...

Well, there are a few lessons here. I think the first is that, condoms are good to have handy. The second is don't get involved with somebody who has a bf gf or whatever-that just isn't right (put yourself in the bf's shoes). Also, from having the same experience, I have learned that having sex with somebody that you aren't involved with only causes trouble for you and the other person unless there is a mutual consensus of no relationship.

Okay, now about what to do now. I have been in a very similar situation. What I can say is that it really sucks. Its stressful. The brighter side to that is that you PROBABLY dont have anything to worry about. She probably isn't pregnant. The odds are on your side with the whole issue of pregnancy. You need to be there for your ex-girlfriend. She will try and seem like nothing is wrong but there obviously is something wrong, and you need to be sensitive to that and be there for her. You need to help reassure her that everything will be okay, even if something like that is hard to say. Whitesaint, it will be okay.

Also, I think it would do you some good to think about why you did what you did. Think about why she is NOT your girlfriend. Think about what you want to project about yourself, and how your actions project this about yourself.

I had a similar experience when I was 16. If you need to talk to somebody go ahead and email me. BTW, I am 19 now, so I have pretty good perspective.
 

whitesaint

cocoa love
Thanks guys, i've already talked to a couple of my friends that i can trust and they said there's a chance that she isn't pregnant as well. But still, i really feel that she is. I wanted to be a software programmer for so long and i have been studying cocoa and objective c for the past 6 months in all the time i could spare. And i really don't want a stupid decision to ruin my life like this. And you guys are right, she was calm, and i was going nuts i was cursing up a storm i couldnt believe what happened i couldnt believe how stupid i was ( and i just came back from church last night too) And just would happen in the future. <br><br> RacerX, thanks - I've read many many many of ur posts on this site and i have agreed with just about all of em i can think of, and i think ur real smart and wise, and reading what you responded to me, about how you think she isnt pregnant - really calmed my nerves down , ALOT! Tahnks so much yuo have helped me more than anyone<br><br>Murderer909, thank you - i should have considered the fact that she had a b/f and what i did was morally wrong, especially from someone like me who is always trying to advance toward God. Your so right about how it is very very stressful, and thank you for telling me she isn't pregnant because it really helps me alot! really, for 2 older guys with more experience telling me this, it can really help me out mentaly and emotionallly alot. Thanks guys:rolleyes:
 

Golfer099

Registered
Ok so I am definately an optimist and don't want to sound pessemistic, but you need to realize the fact that it can only take one time for a girl to get pregnant. It can happen to the best of us. My neighbor is 18 and his girlfriend just had a baby that they conceived the first time they had sex and hadn't used protection. It is a very hard thing and fortunately all the grandparents are very supportive and it seems to be going well. But let me tell you it is not easy - a lot of stuff in your life will change if your friend is pregnant. I certainly am not wishing this upon you and all and pray that this in not the case for you, but as a 20 year old who has seen quite a number of teenage parents, I wish you the best. Why don't you go out and have her get a pregnancy test so you can get all of this off of your mind. My advice as a Catholic - don't get an abortion and if you want to raise the child and she doesn't, don't let her abort it without your permission because it is your child too. Best of luck.

Steve
 

rharder

Do not read this sign.
It's admirable that you acknowledge that if she is pregnant that it would change your life--sounds like you're not planning on shrugging your shoulders with a, "It's your problem" attitude.

Which goes along with what Golfer said, too. If it's your responsibility to help rear the child, then it's your child too no matter how reliant it is on her body.

Have you talked to your friend since that encounter?

-Rob
 
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