simX
Unofficial Mac Genius
Well I'm 10 days early for Christmas and 23 days early for MacWorld, but I thought it might be appropriate. Everyone needs a good dose of viewer maily goodness every once in a while :
Twas the night before Macworld, when all through the land
Not a Machead was stirring-- they were all in San Fran
From thousands of miles, they paid their own fare
In hopes that St. Steve soon would be there;
The Macheads were nestled all snug on the street
Camping all night to get a good seat
We'd just nodded off
When there arose such a clatter:
I sprang from my bag to see what was the matter
Away to the entrance I flew like a flash
Tore open the doors and then gasped!
Wall-sized photos of Apple's cool stuff
Graced all the walls, the floors and the roof
Then out of nowhere, what should appear,
But a huge iSleigh and eight pissed reingineers!
With a turtle-necked driver, so livid and peeved
I knew in a moment it must be St. Steve
Angrier than lions his temper was known
And he screamed at his reingineers like no one was home
"Now Avie! Now, Sina! Now Jon Rubenstein!
On, Ivey! On, See-Mong! Don't waste any time!
My Keynote's tomorrow! You ninny! You dork!
We don't want a repeat of Macworld New York!"
I crawled into a corner and gleamed with delight
As ol' St. Steve worked into the night
He tested the scanner, he tested the mice
He tested them once, then tested them twice
Mr. Perfection was making damn sure
That his keynote went hitch-less, perfect and pure
"So much is riding on a standing ovation
I must bring my flock to total elation!
But alas, I know that they won't be let down
By the time I'm finished they'll be painting the town!"
And so he returned to his super iSled,
And hauled out a giant Bondi Blue safe that read:
"The Toppest of Secrets: For Steve's Eye's Only
(If you AI folks see this-- you're sure to be sorry!)"
Then St. Steve crawled into his Safe
And what he pulled out put a smile on his face
That's when my eyes fell right out of my head!
And I thought for a moment I was dreaming or dead;
Steve must have heard us whine and complain
For he was holding an LCD iMac-- with a G4 brain!!
My mouth was drooling, my tongue touched the floor
Then I realized he wasn't done yet-- THERE WAS MORE!
Back into the safe went our hero, our Saint
And he rummaged around so long I could faint
What was he doing, what's taking so long?
And that odd metallic sound-- (is he smoking a bong?)
Then out of the safe came an arm, then a leg
Then St. Steve emerged with a halo 'round his head
Birds started chirping, Angels were singing
iTunes was rocking-- some new band was swinging
And there in the grip of the genius man's hands:
A titanium G5 tower with oodles of RAM!
Gigawire, DDR and all the buzz words
Hey Mike Dell and Bill Gates-- eat my turd!!
That's when I shrieked in utter delight
St. Steve started screaming "Turn on the lights!
There's an intruder in here-- a freak-- a spy
And at the hands of Apple Legal you SHALL DIE!"
Well, I didn't feel to try and explain
So off I took in a flash once again
With all the good scoop on the next day's highlight
Happy Macworld to all, and to all a Good Night!!
(Now as this story comes to a halt
I warn you to take this with a grain of salt)
Twas the night before Macworld, when all through the land
Not a Machead was stirring-- they were all in San Fran
From thousands of miles, they paid their own fare
In hopes that St. Steve soon would be there;
The Macheads were nestled all snug on the street
Camping all night to get a good seat
We'd just nodded off
When there arose such a clatter:
I sprang from my bag to see what was the matter
Away to the entrance I flew like a flash
Tore open the doors and then gasped!
Wall-sized photos of Apple's cool stuff
Graced all the walls, the floors and the roof
Then out of nowhere, what should appear,
But a huge iSleigh and eight pissed reingineers!
With a turtle-necked driver, so livid and peeved
I knew in a moment it must be St. Steve
Angrier than lions his temper was known
And he screamed at his reingineers like no one was home
"Now Avie! Now, Sina! Now Jon Rubenstein!
On, Ivey! On, See-Mong! Don't waste any time!
My Keynote's tomorrow! You ninny! You dork!
We don't want a repeat of Macworld New York!"
I crawled into a corner and gleamed with delight
As ol' St. Steve worked into the night
He tested the scanner, he tested the mice
He tested them once, then tested them twice
Mr. Perfection was making damn sure
That his keynote went hitch-less, perfect and pure
"So much is riding on a standing ovation
I must bring my flock to total elation!
But alas, I know that they won't be let down
By the time I'm finished they'll be painting the town!"
And so he returned to his super iSled,
And hauled out a giant Bondi Blue safe that read:
"The Toppest of Secrets: For Steve's Eye's Only
(If you AI folks see this-- you're sure to be sorry!)"
Then St. Steve crawled into his Safe
And what he pulled out put a smile on his face
That's when my eyes fell right out of my head!
And I thought for a moment I was dreaming or dead;
Steve must have heard us whine and complain
For he was holding an LCD iMac-- with a G4 brain!!
My mouth was drooling, my tongue touched the floor
Then I realized he wasn't done yet-- THERE WAS MORE!
Back into the safe went our hero, our Saint
And he rummaged around so long I could faint
What was he doing, what's taking so long?
And that odd metallic sound-- (is he smoking a bong?)
Then out of the safe came an arm, then a leg
Then St. Steve emerged with a halo 'round his head
Birds started chirping, Angels were singing
iTunes was rocking-- some new band was swinging
And there in the grip of the genius man's hands:
A titanium G5 tower with oodles of RAM!
Gigawire, DDR and all the buzz words
Hey Mike Dell and Bill Gates-- eat my turd!!
That's when I shrieked in utter delight
St. Steve started screaming "Turn on the lights!
There's an intruder in here-- a freak-- a spy
And at the hands of Apple Legal you SHALL DIE!"
Well, I didn't feel to try and explain
So off I took in a flash once again
With all the good scoop on the next day's highlight
Happy Macworld to all, and to all a Good Night!!
(Now as this story comes to a halt
I warn you to take this with a grain of salt)