I Need girl advice

whitesaint

cocoa love
Okay my ex/present g/f was kissing girls yesterday. We also got caught by the cops yesterday, and i got 4 tickets. Today i came to the conclusion if she's kissing other girls, she's not devoted to me. Yet she calls me all the time, and always exclaims how she loves me. I like her alot yet i don't love her and i don't think she loves me either but just likes me alot. I decided to break up with her this morning by sending her an e-mail. Now that I just checked my mail, she wrote a really long e-mail saying how she loves me and really wants to stay with me. I think i should stay with her, but everyone else says i shouldn't - any thoughts? All feedback is welcome andd appreciated

-whitesaint
 

garyi

Registered
It seems like your sorta girlfriend is very confused at the moment. whats important for you is that you make clear your feelings what ever they are, and remain her friend.

This will all go wrong if after a few beers you hop into bed with her, define your boundries and stick to them, then help her through this difficult time she is having.
 

Tigger

Bring mich zum Licht!
Whatever you do, you shouldn't break up by sending an email. There are some things better done personally, and that is one of them. Even if it is harder.

For kissing the girls: I don't know, was she drunk? Even if not, I don't think that is so bad. Talk to her. personally. not by email.
 

AdmiralAK

Simply Daemonic
OK man...
I have considerable experience in this
I wont go into MY sad story in detail because yours will look like a walk in the park.

1) If she is kissing others (whether boys, girls or whatever) then there is a problem. If she REALLY loved *you* should would not be doing such things

2) It is evident that she wants to keep in contact with you. She *might* love you but it might also be that she wants a safety net to fall back on in case she falls off her current "branch"

From personal experience I know that staying in contact and going through this, seing her with others, is pretty hurtfull. If YOUR feelings are unclear at this point, you should distance yourself A LOT and sort things our. She will be against this, and you probabbly will too but it is the thing to do.

I saw my X this summer when I went back to greece for vacation (We broke up several months back but she wanted contact), and things happened. Going to bed with her aint the answer, I will tell you that now. When she returned to England for her university studies, she talked to me online and still *claimed* that she loved me, but al through this she is seeing someone else there.

What I did is to just abruprly stop contact. If she calls, writes, emails, whatever, I am as good as dead, or as a rock, no responce. This gives BOTH time to sort everything out.

1 thing too, breaking up by e-mail or text message on the cell phone is a bad idea. These things should be done either face to face, or in real time.

1 more thing, women are unpredictabl creatures and somehow seem to defy logic. Most of the ones I had the misfortune of dating were the "confused" type. For ones personal sanity...dont deal with them more than you have to unless you are REALLY crazy about them.


Admiral
--> The psychologist <-- :p
 

whitesaint

cocoa love
This will all go wrong if after a few beers you hop into bed with her, define your boundries and stick to them, then help her through this difficult time she is having.
huh....? I'm sorry but im not followin ya. If i defined my boundaries and sticked to them, and helped her, how would it all go wrong...?

Whatever you do, you shouldn't break up by sending an email. There are some things better done personally, and that is one of them. Even if it is harder.
For kissing the girls: I don't know, was she drunk? Even if not, I don't think that is so bad. Talk to her. personally. not by email.
I don't really understand why breaking up by e-mail is a bad thing. She is quite aware im a computer freak and i would more than likely to do such a thing. Nah she wasn't drunk she's bi.


1) If she is kissing others (whether boys, girls or whatever) then there is a problem. If she REALLY loved *you* should would not be doing such things
Yes i very much agree on that part.

From personal experience I know that staying in contact and going through this, seing her with others, is pretty hurtfull. If YOUR feelings are unclear at this point, you should distance yourself A LOT and sort things our. She will be against this, and you probabbly will too but it is the thing to do.
Yea your right again, we were supposed to do somthing today but would it be ok if we just hung out and talked about the stuff that has been goin on?

What I did is to just abruprly stop contact. If she calls, writes, emails, whatever, I am as good as dead, or as a rock, no responce. This gives BOTH time to sort everything out.
Another very good point, all my friend's don't like her, and think i can do better. I was happy with her though, up until the kissing girls part.

1 thing too, breaking up by e-mail or text message on the cell phone is a bad idea. These things should be done either face to face, or in real time.
Real time.......??

Thanks for all the help...

-whitesaint
 

AdmiralAK

Simply Daemonic
1) real time means either face-2-face, by telephone, or IM (when you are both online lol:p)

2) Just hanging out is kinda like saying "lets be friends"... such a thing cannot exist between most Xes. If she says she loves you she will try to find some way to be more than friends while being your friend. This is what happened with my X. It's just a bad idea to "just be friends". You can probabbly ahng out at some point in the future once all the issues at hand are resolved, but for the immediate future I think it is a bad idea. It will just prolong the confusing situation that exists now.

3) The problem about breaking up by letter, e-mail, or any other means that she cant reply directly to you in an immediate manner is that you dont give her the "dear john" treatment like she has no say in it. In reality if you want to break up she has no say in it but it is always good and diplomatic to give other people the sense that you are giving them a say in it.

one last thing... I would probably NEVER date a bisexual woman...if she left me for anotehr woman I would probabbly kill myself lol :p (male ego you see :p)


Admiral
 

jove

Member
Hello,

From your picture you look youngish. I am not exactly old but I have learned from my experiences and friends' (young and old).

*** Avoid the flighty ones while your young ***

If you were in your thirties with no hair and 400 pounds, then stick with who ever will kiss you. Even if she prefers the girls :)

but...

You need to find a steady girl that will not use you as the "nice guy" shoulder to cry on. I have been one of them.

I know too many successful, intelegent, and handsome bachelor friends (late twenties and early thirties) that are struggling BIG TIME to find a level headed women (let alone attractive, intelligent , and etc). By our age they are all gone. I am assuming you're in your teens/early twenties where there are still plenty of fish in the sea.

She may be a nice attractive women. She made feed your ego with neediness and sexuality. But she is not long term material unless she, *** on her own ***, levels out.

When I was in college I fell in love with a wanderful, beautiful, too intellegent :) women while I was bebounding from my first love. We became adults together and are inseperable. My first love was as faithful as a cat in heat. I would have married that woman if my friends didn't knock some sense into me.

Married seven years with our first baby due in November :)

As a purely shovenistic view you could relinquish any feelings you have for her and go with some three-way you-know-what :) But in all honesty that could really screw up expectations you'll have for any future serious relationship.

To sum it all up. Find a level headed girl while they are still available.
 

AdmiralAK

Simply Daemonic
Ha ha ha
Jove that is THE BEST advice...but i've got news for you
I've been looking for an (attractive) level headed girl.... but I have failed in doing so :p The ones I have found "seem" level headed but then somehow the "magic" wears off :p

I think that women (well girls) in their late teens and early twenties dont know what is going on. I might be a bit old fashioned about this but somehow the great majority of girls are either too "free" (well you can guess what I mean) or just too "confused" they dont know if they want this or that...you or the other guy...

Finding such a girl (a level headed one) in my age group is like finding the lost arc .... My mentre has always been to go through them with a fine tooth comb... perhaps I am overpicky...


oh well I will either solve the mystery that is "women" or I will go insane trying:p


Admiral
 

whitesaint

cocoa love
lol admiral you are so funny. And Jove i agree with you on most parts, but from apart of being an Apple-freak, Religous person, I am also into Astrology. She is not level headed at all. In matter of fact she is dumb. We're goin back out now, and um she says she's obsessed with me and i like her alot. She's a capricorn and im a cancer, we are like perfect matches for eachother. We get along great all the time, even if we're in an argument. We're both still in high school, and she still acts like a teenager, and I act all serious all the time with only Cocoa on my mind. That's the only part i disagree on. I am ready to get out of high school when she is not even half way through. By the way, Jove and AdmiralAK, what sign are you guys? I would love to see if astrology is always accurate as it usually is.

And back to my girlfriend part, I've had about 40 g/f's in my life, and she is honestly one that i get along with the best. She's hot, she's sweet, and she says she loves me. But i love my computer more!! None of my friends like her (most of my friends being girls), they always have somthing bad to say about her, but should i listen to them, or just ignore them...?



-whitesaint
 

AdmiralAK

Simply Daemonic
I am a saggitarius,

1st off... the signs told me (as far as I remember) that my X and I were great matches (she's born in february)..but that still did not help her with her immaturity which ruined the relationship in the end (but a year and a half wasnt bad at all, at one point we really looked ahead in the future)

2nd, there is a greek saying "If it works out well for you, I have not problem with it" (well rough translation anyways). Lots of people saw me with my X when we were together yet they did not say much. They were positive. My best fiend (and others) told me this year, after the break up, that they kinda wondered what I saw in her, something was "off" in the whole she-I picture, yet they did not say it. Sometimes it is best to not say certain things. People do learn from their "mistakes" (using the term very lightly here), and also when you are "in love" when people say "she aint right for you" you tend not to take em seriously. I wouldn't necessarily follow the advice your friends give you on this matter. Just go with your gut.

3rd...I;ve hard about 3 gf, 1 really serious (my x)... Usually it is ok to pick out trends about women, but no two women are alike, so dont really compare your girlfriend to your previous ones, and for heaven's sake dont go into detail about them with the current one...dont even mention them... I was neive, and it came back to haunt me :p

4th... since you are into this astrology deal...i met this nice looking sagitarious girl...she si as crazy as I am...what do teh signs say about that ??? lol :p (my damn luck... she also studies in london...perhaps it is time for me to visit the good old uk :p)


Admiral
 

jove

Member
I never had a guy ask me for my sign before, hmmmm :)

I didn't have any "intimate" relations in high school. I am glad I didn't. Not necessarily for religious reasons - those kinds of relationships just would have made an awkward time even more so.

High school is not the time for serious "I am going to spend my life with you" relationships. My friends from college told me I was too anxious to get into those types. But luckily one found me and wouldn’t let go. She wasn’t needy or confused. She was ready to have a serious relationship, plan for the future, and take over some fortunate slob’s (me) life.

My wife is an Aquarius. We are complete opposites. Her family is of stoic logical German blood. I have over-emotional, demonstrative, Mediterranean blood running through my veins.

What makes are relationship as strong as it is are 4 simple items
1) We communicate everything and nothing is a secret
2) We don’t get angry (upset and frustrated is ok)
3) We are best-friends – more important than lover and spouse
4) We depend on each other (her-details, me-social)

Look into the Meyer-Briggs personality classifications. They classify personalities similar to Astrology but they go extensively into group dynamics (which relationships are just a part).

Listen to AdmiralAK, never, I mean never, compare girlfriends, especially in front of them. You’ll get your expectations out of whack and insult the woman at the same time.

Whitesaint. Run. Run like you never did before. Trust the womanly instincts of your friends. I have seen too many nice guys get used and hurt by needy girls.

That’s about all I can say :->
 

AdmiralAK

Simply Daemonic
Hmmm weird....I am mediterranean (greek actually) and I am very emotional and "explosive" in all manners

I though though, that the german "peoples" thought with their blood (ie emotions/heart) lol (sorry my "hitler and his times" class still sticks with me )

I too in high school never really had neither an intimate, nor any sort of relationship..it all happened in the years past high school :p Somehow all of the girls had the slut appearance and, due to my high standards, I never really wanted to date any one of them irregardless of the fact that THEY asked me out...

Oh... how weird is it for girls to ask a guy out lol

I have never really bought into astrology... one of my friends who is into these things told me I would have a government job...yeah right ha ha ha ... but now I work full time for a state university lol ... just plain old luck :p ...



Admiral
 
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