New Super-tiny Ipod Is Implanted Directly Into The Brain

andychrist

andychrist

devil's plaything
100 Million Americans Could Be Hardwired for Sound By 2008, Says Jobs
At company headquarters in Cupertino, California today, Apple Computer CEO Steve Jobs introduced a new IPod so tiny that it can be implanted directly into the human brain.

The IPod Micro™ becomes fused to the central nervous system through a simple non-invasive surgical procedure that can be performed in any doctor’s office or at any Apple store, Mr. Jobs said.

The Apple CEO, who last week became the first to have the IPod Micro™ implanted into his brain, showed how music can be downloaded via a USB port discreetly located on the back of his neck.

Mr. Jobs said that the Micro™ can store up to 2800 songs and that the tracks can be shuffled by blinking one’s eyes or nodding one’s head, making it possible to listen to music in a classroom or at the office without anyone else knowing it.

He demonstrated by rocking out to the song “Let’s Get It Started” by The Black Eyed Peas, declaring the sound quality inside his head “awesome.”

While Mr. Jobs said that as many as 100 million Americans could be hardwired for sound by 2008, Sony Corporation CEO Sir Howard Stringer served notice that his company was rolling out a new, super-tiny PlayStation Portable™ that could also be implanted directly into the brain.

“There’s a lot of room in the average American’s head and we intend to fight for every square inch of it,” Sir Howard told reporters.

The Borowitz Report
 
You don't really expect me to believe that do you?!? Please. The M in "Micro" would obviously be lowercase if this were real.

I'll believe it when I see it. Or when it has proper capitalization. Whichever comes first. ;)
 
Did anyone else read Tad Williams' "Otherland" books? I seem to remember the character of a killer in that who had a music implant, and he simply thought about what sort of music he'd like to hear in order to hear it.
 
i hear if you want to scroll through the list you rub your belly.

and when you want to select something you tap your head.

if the ipod freezes you have to rub your belly and tap your head at the same time...
 
Oooh. That'd be nice. Finally you can replace "sleep" by spending a little time on an iPod power brick with a USB connection to your brain. :) :) :)
 
Though i don't relish the prospect of what happens when it crashes and keeps playign the same fragment of music over and over... I wonder what a hard reset would feel like? ;)
 
Lt Major Burns said:
at least it would never get scratched or broken. not unless you had greater things to worry about, any way.
Click to expand...
I once read a story about a construction worker who, through a little mishap with a backfiring nailgun, got a four-inch nail embedded in his skull, going from the roof of his mouth up behind his eye and, IIRC, into his brain. And he didn't even know about it until several days later, when he went to see a doctor to ask about severe headaches he was having. Quoth the doctors after the extraction surgery: "If you're going to have a nail in the brain, that's the way you want it to be." (Note: YES, this story was real. Honest.)

And that was just one nail. It could have been six.

So the question on my mind is, if that guy'd had an iPod micro installed, what would have been the effect? Would an otherwise benign skull-embedded nail damage the iPod? If so, then SCREW YOU, APPLE! That means the Micro is virtually worthless. I'm not going to pay $300 for a device that'll break the first time I get a harmless four-incher embedded into my skull. It just doesn't make sense!

C'mon Apple, you can do better. This needs to be addressed!
 
It's the future. Soon carrying around iPods and cell phones will be too annoying and clunky. You'll have chips embedded in your body that communicate directly with satellites for cell phone access (just say "call bobby" like OnStar) and then a little chip implemented for your music, which will synchronize automatically with your computer or another device wirelessly, with a tiny receiver implanted in your ears for listening. They've already got logic gates workign with those microscoptic thingys.. so its' just a matter of time :)
 
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