googolplex
jeff.hume.ca
heh
Favorite Joke
- Thread starter RacerX
- Start date
edX
mac shaman
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish."
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"
You're trying to sell this thing in the wrong place. Try ebay or something like that.
A bloke walks into a bar and says to the person next to him
"want to hear a blonde joke?"
she replies "I'm blonde and the world kickboxing champion, my first friend is blonde and she's the world judo champion, my third friend is also blonde and the world karate champion. Do you still want to tell the joke?"
after a moments thought "no, not if i have to explain it 3 times"
Tell it to a blonde and they dont get it.
"want to hear a blonde joke?"
she replies "I'm blonde and the world kickboxing champion, my first friend is blonde and she's the world judo champion, my third friend is also blonde and the world karate champion. Do you still want to tell the joke?"
after a moments thought "no, not if i have to explain it 3 times"
Tell it to a blonde and they dont get it.
ulrik
Registered
Two man talk about their favourite position when they sleep with their wifes.
"My favourite position", the one man says, "is the Rodeo position".
"What's that?" the other one wants to now.
"Easy. You mount your wife from behind, now you grap her breasts and gently whisper in her ear "that feels nearly as good as with your sister". Then, you try to stay on top of her for ten seconds".
"My favourite position", the one man says, "is the Rodeo position".
"What's that?" the other one wants to now.
"Easy. You mount your wife from behind, now you grap her breasts and gently whisper in her ear "that feels nearly as good as with your sister". Then, you try to stay on top of her for ten seconds".
edX
mac shaman
my sister just emailed these to me and i thought they were so funny i just had to share them.
CHINESE PROVERBS
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run in front of car get tired.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
CHINESE PROVERBS
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run in front of car get tired.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Lessthanmighty
A never ending cycle...
Thanks Ed! I needed that!
What should you do when you find 100 dead lawyers in your front yard?
Stop laughing and re-load.
What should you do when you find 100 dead lawyers in your front yard?
Stop laughing and re-load.
martinatkinson
Registered
Two novice hunters were dragging a deer back to their truck. Another hunter happened by and said, "I do not want to tell you what to do but it is easier if you drag the deer in the other direction so the antlers do not dig into the ground."
After the third hunter left the two decided to try this his way. After a while, one said to the other, "Man, that guy was like totally right. This IS easier!"
"Yeah," the other replied, "but we keep getting farther and farther away from the truck."
After the third hunter left the two decided to try this his way. After a while, one said to the other, "Man, that guy was like totally right. This IS easier!"
"Yeah," the other replied, "but we keep getting farther and farther away from the truck."
Lessthanmighty
A never ending cycle...
Ok, these pretty much show the immaturity of our school and all who attend it. These are given to me by some of my friends who had found them somewhere on the greatness that is the internet. Yes, I know they are sick, but oh well.
What is more fun than putting a baby in a dryer?
Turning it on.
What more fun than putting a baby in a bag and tie-ing it to a runnig fan?
Hitting the bag with a stick everytime it comes around.
What is more sick than a barrel of dead babies?
The one at the bottom eating its way out.
and finally, (thank god!)
What is more than throwing a baby down the stairs?
Nothing.
These, and many more jokes can be found somewhere on aol.com. Dont ask, I dont know.
What is more fun than putting a baby in a dryer?
Turning it on.
What more fun than putting a baby in a bag and tie-ing it to a runnig fan?
Hitting the bag with a stick everytime it comes around.
What is more sick than a barrel of dead babies?
The one at the bottom eating its way out.
and finally, (thank god!)
What is more than throwing a baby down the stairs?
Nothing.
These, and many more jokes can be found somewhere on aol.com. Dont ask, I dont know.