Post your BAD M$ joke

Originally posted by azosx
My bad. Why did M$ cross the road? To get to the other side and eat up the last 3% of market share that was Apple. *rimshot* :D

Honestly though, threads like this only farm ignorance and close mindedness and contributes to Mac vs PC flames down the road. Windows users as a whole don't bash Macs or Apple. Is it market share envy that brings out this silliness in Mac users? I dunno.

If some of you actually ran Windows 2000 or XP Professional on some descent PC hardware, maybe you'd see it's a hell of a lot better than OS 9 and just as good or better than OS X in a lot of ways.
Click to expand...

AZ...good point on the comments begetting more negative comments. But I do have to disagree with you about Mac users being the ones who do all the bashing. All I hear at work everyday -week after week, over and over is bashing on the Mac platform by the pc guys from several departments. (Not just the techs either) in fact I would say they get the pompous and condescending award.

As far as running Win2k on decent hardware
I would probably draw the following parallels:
Mac OS 7/Windows 95
Mac OS 8 and 9/Windows 98 (98 is very unstable any PC tech will admit this)
Mac OS X / Windows 2000 (Both are great OS's, but I prefer to use OS X)

Now for my joke:

2 pc techs were delegated the task to go out and purchase software and a pci card to import video from a DV cam into a pc so that clips of interviews could be created.

The 2 techs researched for days reading page after page of the best dv video cards and finally chose a card that thought would be the best one of the bunch. The went to the local chain that appeared to have the card at the best price and purchased it. Upon returning they installed the card and plugged in the camera. They read three pages of directions and finally gave the video import a trial run. BUT! It was No Go! They continued trouble shooting for THREE DAYS fooling with IRQ's and Registry entries with no success. The card would not work with the camera or software.

In the afternoon of the third day a Mac tech in the outer office walked and asked if he could make a suggestion and if they both agreed they had to try his suggestion without any remarks or arguments. The pc techs agreed.

One of the pc techs also had a mac he used on occasion to demo things before installing on macs, so the Mac tech suggested he open iMovie on the mac and then plug the camera.

He did so and as he connected the camera, iMovie flashed on the screen "Camera Connected"

The Mac tech just smiled.

The pc techs manipulated the forward, reverse and play keys and also imported some video. In short they were able to do in mere seconds what they had tried to do on their pc for three days.

....Now the punchline of this joke:

This is no joke. I was the Mac tech in the story and it's true. I suggested they ship a mac to the office that would need the camera setup and they said. No that will not happen.

The sad fact is this. When Beta was released as a video format, VHS eventually won out becuase it had more market share and was cheaper to manufacture and purchase. This doesn't mean VHS was a superior format - just that becuase of consumer momentum it won out.

I enjoy computers even machines that run Windows. But to me Macs are more enjoyable and less "Glitchy". I also think that pc's have a tendency to be assembled from a batch of "Low Bids" I find it hard to imagine a Mac being assembled from cheap parts.

I hope everyone didn't mind my "joke" off the thread topic.

Have a nice day! :D
 
I don't know if it qualifies as a joke but I left my ex because he asked if Cupertino was the football coach of Milan. :rolleyes:
 
Here is one of my favorites. For other great M$ jokes, check out http://www.annoyances.org/exec/show/category09

/* Windows '98 source code */

/*
TOP SECRET Microsoft(c) Code
Project: Chicago(tm)
Projected release-date: Summer 1998
*/

#include "win31.h"
#include "win95.h"
#include "evenmore.h"
#include "oldstuff.h"
#include "billrulz.h"

#define INSTALL_HARD

char make_prog_look_big[1600000];

void main()
{
while(!CRASHED)
{
display_copyright_message();
display_bill_rules_message();
do_nothing_loop();
if (first_time_installation)
{
make_50_megabyte_swapfile();
do_nothing_loop();
totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS2();
hang_system();
}

write_something(anything);
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
do_some_stuff();

if (still_not_crashed)
{
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
basically_run_windows_3.1();
do_nothing_loop();
do_nothing_loop();
}
}

if (detect_cache())
disable_cache();

if (fast_cpu())
{
set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
set_mouse(action, jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
}


/* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11");*/
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */
printf("Welcome to Windows 98");

if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt);
else
system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp",
O_CREATE);

while(something)
{
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
}

create_general_protection_fault();
}
 
Windows Airlines:

The terminal is very neat and clean, the attendants all very attractive, the pilots very capable. The fleet of Learjets the carrier operates is immense. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushing above the clouds, and at 20,000 feet it explodes without warning.
 
If Microsoft made movies:
-------------------------

* You wouldn't be able to eat popcorn, drink a coke and watch the movie
at the same time.
* If the popper was popping corn, and they were selling a candy bar, the
movie would pause.
* They would announce that the next versions of the movie would enable
colour blind people to watch in colour, and the deaf to hear it.
* The film would break every 15 minutes and in the most important parts.
* They would announce new breakthroughs in movie technology - colour and
sound - forgetting that most other movies have had these for years.
* Every new movie would require a new projector.
* The projector would claim to take 32mm in film size, but in reality it
would only show 16mm magnified to make it look like 32mm.
* They would claim to have invented comedies.
* Every movie would look pretty, but actually have mishmash holding it
together, and contain no plot. Ooops! Sorry, that's from the "What if
Hollywood Made Movies" list.
* They would promise you an action/adventure flick starring Arnold
Schwarzenegger and Sandra Bullock, but it would be 3 years late and end
up being a sappy love story with Jim Carey and Madonna.
* Their projectors must have reset buttons, requiring you to start the
movie over and over to have any hope of seeing the entire film.
* "640 seconds? Whose gonna watch a movie longer than that??"
 
The real name of "the" Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III.

Nowadays he is known as Bill Gates (III)

By converting the letters of his current name to the ASCII-values and
adding his (III), you get the following:

B 66
I 73
L 76
L 76
G 71
A 65
T 84
E 69
S 83
I 1
I 1
I 1
--------------
666 !!!

Some might ask, "How did Bill Gates get so powerful?" Coincidence? Or
just the beginning of mankind's ultimate and total enslavement???

Before you decide, consider the following:

M S - D O S 6 . 2 1

77+83+45+68+79+83+32+54+46+50+49 = 666

W I N D O W S 9 5

87+73+78+68+79+87+83+57+53+1 = 666


Coincidence? You decide...
 
Originally posted by azosx
Are you sure you're not running Windows NT because it's impossible to produce a BSOD with 2000 because a blue dialogue crash screen in 2000 just doesn't exist.

There is nothing you can do in 2000 to possibly create one either because that's not how 2000 handles crashes.

The BSOD is an exception error brought on top of the Windows GUI from DOS. I don't know if something similiar even exists in NT for sure.
Click to expand...

By W2k also knows about blue screens... not as often as NT, but it does it from time to time. Most often I must admit, this blue screen does not appear. The machine is just frozzen.
 
Originally posted by Giaguara
I don't know if it qualifies as a joke but I left my ex because he asked if Cupertino was the football coach of Milan. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

I didn't know you were a football fan ?!?
 
Bill - Quotes:

"The next generation of interesting software will be made on a Macintosh, not an IBM PC." -- Bill Gates (unconfirmed quote)

"There are people who don't like capitalism, and there are people who don't like PCs,
but there's no one who likes the PC who doesn't like Microsoft."
-- Bill Gates

"640K of RAM ought to be enough for anybody."
-- Bill Gates circa 1981

"If you can't make it good, at least make it look good."
-- Bill Gates on the solid code base of Win9X

"Microsoft programs are generally bug-free. If you visit the Microsoft hotline,
you'll literally have to wait weeks if not months until someone calls in with
a bug in one of our programs. 99.99% of calls turn out to be user mistakes.
I know not a single less irrelevant reason for an update than bugfixes.
The reasons for updates are to present more new features."
-- Bill Gates, on code stability, from Focus Magazine

:p
 
Originally posted by Androo
In windows, to shut down, you go to START and then shut down. Why start if you wanna stop?
Click to expand...

You click:
-Start
-Turn off the computer...
And then you actually select Stand By, Turn Off or Restart! :eek:

So, even if you have to Restart you click Start -> Turn Off -> Restart :confused:

And the other funny thing with Windows XP (default configuration/installation):
In order to access your hard disks, cds, etc. you click:
-Start
-My computer
If my computer is already up and running why do I need to start it one more time? :rolleyes:

Hehehehe... Many-many things with XP UI are messed up! And we have some people here complaining about OS X being confusing :D
 
Windows XP Professional

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

:D

This is my BAD M$ joke... Now, let me tell you my ok one:
When Mr.Gates got married, at his first night with his 1st ( :rolleyes: ) woman ever and when he got his pants down she said (actually? :rolleyes: ):
Now I can see why you named your company MicroSoft...

:D

Now, could this be the ok one or the first one is the best? :rolleyes: :D
 
I'm new to the whole Microsoft jokes thing. I always liked this one though. No idea how old it is. At the time though I like the cartoon jokes.

'A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window.

The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
 
Okay, off topic:

For all of you referring to God: Micro$oft was not at The Beginning.

Who were the first computer users? Adam and Eve. She had an Apple. He had a Wang.
 
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