Sexual partners - how many is OK

[Decado]

well, last time i checked, most men and women (if we speak hetero-marriages here) are compatible if none of them have had any experience then they wont have any reference and they will be "compatible" with eachother. I'm EXTREAMLY compatible with my first girlfriend, cuz we have had such a long time getting tuned to eachother.

 

[anerki]

I'm happy for you two then

But do you want to spend all that time when you're married? I'd prefer to do that before getting married ...

 

[MDLarson]

Originally posted by anerki
But what do you do if you marry someone and have sex for the first time (and neither of you have done it before) and you realise you're totally not compatible with eachother?

Hmm, well, I thought that would be cleared up in the dating stage, but if you're talking about sexual disfunction... (are you?)

I'm pleased at how open to discussion you all are. I'm gonna give this thread 5 stars!

 

[anerki]

Well, it can be just about anything. Malfunctions, or even just not enjoying it. I don't know about the others and I certainly don't want this to sound typically male or anything like that but I want the woman I marry be able to please me and I her. And I want to know that before I get married. If it doesn't go on the first time, no problem, but that's a problem that should be out of the way at least by the time you get married. I don't know about others or how it goes but a girl I dated for a couple of months, we had sex before I fully trusted her and before I knew it was gonna become sth beautiful. (of course a couple of days after I said to myself "this is gonna work out" she cheated on me so hey, sh*t does happen )

 

[chevy]

I voted "doesn't matter": I shall marry her to live our future together, not our past !

 

[MDLarson]

Originally posted by chevy
I voted "doesn't matter": I shall marry her to live our future together, not our past !

Although I voted "None," I can definately appreciate and understand this viewpoint, even if our views about it are different. For instance, I consider it an act of forgiveness to overlook the past. Others (like Giaguara) may be thankful for a more experienced partner.

 

[Giaguara]

Originally posted by MDLarson
what if that person was saving his virginity for you? Would you laugh or respect and honor that decision?

i would sure not laugh. supposing the guy was about my age, i'd maybe feel frustrated though.. even knowing i would have been the only love of their life, .. i would respect their moral and attitude - but i would feel quite freak. hug if you feel like hugging, get a massage if you feel like and not only because of fibromyalgia but just feeling like, kiss and hug the people you like. i don't like bitching around but .. once you feel you are ready for something go for it. either we only live once, or we live more than once but we still have to start from zero ... ::love::

btw, it wasn't ed but me that added "i don't care". ::angel::

 

[Giaguara]

Originally posted by MDLarson
Although I voted "None," I can definately appreciate and understand this viewpoint, even if our views about it are different. For instance, I consider it an act of forgiveness to overlook the past. Others (like Giaguara) may be thankful for a more experienced partner.

hey hey this feels weird especially because i'm a girl and *statistically* catholic and i have to explain my point of view..? i don't think getting married will be the biggest thing in my life (it might resolve the green card problem so i might get married for that ... not just to get sex). i never dreamed being married or my weddings being the luckiest day of my life. i do have a wedding fobia (especially if they would be mine). and i was sure older than at least 80 % of people in italy when they did anything more than a kiss .. it has its reasons. not maybe moral (my own moral yes, not moral in the common purgatory sense). i had loved a guy that died when i was young, and everytime i liked anyone, i remembered too painful things from my past .. in the end it was always me that apologized for me feeling bad. in the end it was easier to avoid everything untill meeting someone i felt would have been the one of my life. when ever you or the person you love feel ready to do whatever, listen to your body more than the externally imposed moral. i say and say i'd freak out if i'd ever be the first to anyone but maybe it'd be just cool if it wasn0t a surprise for me .. i just so deeply think it doesn0t matter. ::angel::

 

[edX]

Originally posted by MDLarson
Although I voted "None," I can definately appreciate and understand this viewpoint, even if our views about it are different. For instance, I consider it an act of forgiveness to overlook the past.

matt- i'm proud you could say this. when you said none, the thoughts about 'aren't you supposed to be forgiving' came to my mind. let me also say that i can respect that it all happened for you the way you expected. consider yourself one of the very lucky ones because for most people it doesn't work out that way. too many variables, too many different expectations, etc. And for some of us, the hardest part is learning to forgive yourself for life not being like you planned it. in the end it might all be good. i certainly have had experiences you probably never will that i think added something positive to my life. i think there is also something positive about having it work out like it did for you. i don't think there's any right or wrong here, but a matter of making the best out of what life deals you and what you want back in return.

 

[chevy]

Originally posted by MDLarson
Although I voted "None," I can definately appreciate and understand this viewpoint, even if our views about it are different. For instance, I consider it an act of forgiveness to overlook the past. Others (like Giaguara) may be thankful for a more experienced partner.

Isn't love forgiving ? I'll probably have lots of other things to forgive, and she'll have too

 

[anerki]

Love is many things, most importantly, trust

 

[chevy]

Originally posted by anerki
Love is many things, most importantly, trust

trust is important, not sufficient.

 

[anerki]

Now that's why I said many things now didn't I

 

[fryke]

Originally posted by Giaguara
if i'd got married with someone who was 30 or over and he still would be a virgin i would think there's something wrong .. either he'd be a religious freak of some kind or a fag.

I don't know many virgins who claim they're gay. So 'fag' would be a strange term to use in this context. ;-)

 

[fryke]

On topic... I've had sex with seven women so far, and I don't expect my next girlfriend or my future wife to have had any less or more, i.e.: I don't really care. I'm pretty sure I won't fall in love BECAUSE of the number of sexual partners she'll have had, I'm also pretty sure I wouldn't turn a woman down because she'd had less or more than myself.

My longest relationship was about three years, and we both were virgins when we started having sex. Must say: It was a wonderful experience to learn together. However later in life I also found out that there ARE women that are more compatible with me. And it's certainly an important part of the life together.

 

[Giaguara]

Originally posted by fryke
I don't know many virgins who claim they're gay. So 'fag' would be a strange term to use in this context. ;-)

Well... lets say fags that claim to be (hetero AND) virgins on a moment that if they weren't they'd probably be trying to do somethign else. None of the gays i've met have said to be virgins but none of them has either tried to do anything with me. ::angel::

 

[toast]

Oh... Is Gia is going to tell us some obscure side of her personal history right now ?

---

When I saw this topic, I thought the question was 'how many partners at a time ? But when I saw the poll options, I conceived what you really meant. I mean, 51+ simultaneous people in one sole bed is a lot.

 

[Giaguara]

Heh. Yea, that's what i was thinking as well toast. I prefer to have 1 at a time.

 

[Ugg]

MD have you gotten the response you expected? You said you had something more to reveal, and I for one am honestly looking forward to it. I may not agree with you much but your posts are always thought provoking.

 

[toast]

Ugg: You mean provocative ?

Gia: Ah ha ! I'm only 19 and I'm not going to learn you more on the topic, but trust me, you live only once (even cats like you, Gia).