Share your Macworld 2026 predictions!

[symphonix]

So whats your prediction?

The only information we have to hand about the surprises in store for the Macworld 2026 Keynote presentation is that a group of three clones of Steve Jobs will be unveiling at least three "one more things". It has not been confirmed whether or not the real Steve will be in attendance, as he is still undergoing treatment for hyperspace narcolepsy.

Steve 1 has dropped some hints to suggest that there will be some new products aimed at making the Macintosh platform work better with both Windows 2020 Vision (due for release in 2027), and also with systems used by our alien rulers, the Triffidoids. This would be great since it would make the Mac the platform of choice for anyone working in civil service.

Steve 2 is rumoured to be cybernetically enhanced, and the punters are suggesting he may be ready to finally introduce an update to Apple's best-selling android, iRene. This has been backed up by Apple's recent trademark filings for the names "iVy" and "iSabel".

Steve 3 is an alien-human hybrid, and sources say he is likely to introduce a new product in the iPod line.

Of course, all of this is just speculation and it is still 20 years before we'll know for sure. I'd like to hear everyone else's take on what is likely to happen. Is Apple likely to stick with 256-bit Intel processors, or migrate to nano-neural circuitry? And what about the Mac micro - will we get a better magnifying glass to help us find it when we sneeze and it blows down the back of the desk?

 

[Rhisiart]

It has not been confirmed whether or not the real Steve Jobs will be in attendance in 2026, as he is still undergoing treatment for hyperspace narcolepsy.

Or in cryotherapy.

...three clones of Steve Jobs will be unveiling at least three "one more things".

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is suprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope....

Steve #1 has dropped some hints to suggest that there will be some new products aimed at making the Macintosh platform work better by our alien rulers, the Triffidoids.

You mean like Mac OS 9?

Steve #2 is rumoured to be cybernetically enhanced, and the punters are suggesting he may be ready to finally introduce an update to Apple's best-selling android, iRene.

Note: A canny resemblance to the code word for Black Hawk Down's disastrous attack on Mogadishu in 1993.

Steve #3 is an alien-human hybrid, and sources say he is likely to introduce a new product in the iPod line.

Of course his DNA by this time has been fused with Bill Gate's DNA to produce the ultimate screwed up hybrid (see thumbnail below).

…. this is just speculation and it is still 20 years before we'll know for sure. I'd like to hear everyone else's take on what is likely to happen. Is Apple likely to stick with 256-bit Intel processors, or migrate to nano-neural circuitry? And what about the Mac micro?

Mac-Mini will expire, along with any other micro hardware products (never appeal to the masses – a recipe for disaster). I’d like to see nano-microbes in Macs that can actually tell me _to stop_ whatever I am doing when I attempt any UNIX operations.

 

[Esquilinho]

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is suprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope....

hehehehe! Monty Python rule!

 

[Rhisiart]

Scene: A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Vikings wearing horned helmets. Whenever the word "spam" is repeated, they begin singing and/or chanting. A man and his wife enter. The man is played by Eric Idle, the wife is played by Graham Chapman (in drag), and the waitress is played by Terry Jones, also in drag.
Man: You sit here, dear.
Wife: All right.
Man: Morning!
Waitress: Morning!
Man: Well, what've you got?
Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam;
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam...
Waitress: ...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam...
Vikings: Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
Wife: Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.
Wife: I don't want ANY spam!
Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?
Wife: THAT'S got spam in it!
Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam... (Crescendo through next few lines...)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.
Wife: I don't like spam!
Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam!
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!

 

[Lt Major Burns]

according to site rules, and i'm not sure how far the irony goes down here, but that post was technically spam. ban him.

 

[symphonix]

Yes, that was probably the spammiest spam post I've ever seen.

Damn Vikings.