The Mac Jargon Dictionary

symphonix

symphonix

Scratch & Sniff Committee
For those new to the world of Mac, I am compiling a list of Mac Jargon and definitions. It will be in three volumes: A to H, I, and J to Z. :p

Feel free to add to it if you wish:

Airport Extreme: Passengers are fired out of a giant cannon; regardless of what their ticket says, they will land in Minsk, while their luggage will land in Bermuda.

Darwin: Evolutionary scientist who proved that all Mac-users are in fact descended from beagles.

iPod: Kind of like a tripod, except it doesn't have three legs.

iTunes: App that interfaces with the speech toolkit to make your computer say "gesundheit" whenever the user sneezes.

Open-Source: Any software used for getting ketchup bottles open when they've gone all gooey.

PRAM: Device for transporting babies.

Rendezvous: Turns setting up a computer network into a romantic wartime movie experience.

Safari: Any business trip during which your PowerBook is eaten by a Hyena.

Feel free to add to the list!
 
Kernel Panic: Famous for defeating General Protection-Fault in a battle led by Major Malfunction in the Browser Wars.

:D Seriously, though, I want to leave some for everybody else!
 
We should come up with all the mac terms (or even apple terms, like the ones from the Apple IIgs era) and post em in a humor section ;)
 
BlueTooth: Caused by gargling Windex.

iPhoto: A type of extreme close-up snapshot favoured at drunken parties. If you tape it together with a nosePhoto and earPhoto you might get an idea who the subject was.

Final Cut Pro: A ninja master.

Final Cut Express: A ninja on a bicycle.

Modem: Swedish dish served with tuna.

iSub: Software for making footlong sandwiches easily.

Trackpad: What a bookie uses to write down bets.

Cocoa-Java: The ultimate caffiene binge.
 
Firmware: Stage in between software and hardware, often occuring while fooling around in the backseat of a car.
 
laugh.gif
 
Software: Embarrassing situation, often curable with Viagra.

Java: A substance (many think god's greatest gift) which fights attacks of sleepiness, uncontrolable eye shutting, and the evil .Net. (note: New extremists may chant All hail Starbucks, all hail Sun in rapid suscession.)

iMovie: Sesame Street's latest children's movie, about the letter I.
 
Rendezvous: Application which assists in secret meetings, often of the pleasurable kind.
 
iBook: 1) Comfy @$$ shaped cushion you get for free when booking a long plane voyage (typically on a 7455 or 7457).
2) (also IceBook) coolbox

IceBook: Recipe book for original Italian Vanilla Ice (the preferred flavor of ninja rappers).

Cube: see iToaster

iToaster device than can sync with any Mac on the internet and use their collective power to produce a perfect toast while reading your e-mail for the day.

970: Mythical monstruous creature with 970 heads come to terrorise all 'power'Mac users and scare them, preventing them to buy a new Mac.

7457: Chipset used by terrorists to attack the Dual Towers.

Rumor Sites: Decoy agents making a helluva noise while Macmeister Steve implements innovations quietly in the background.
 
Superdrive: Results of Viagra in which Software turns to Firmware, and finally, Hardware.

Microsoft: See "Bill Gates"
 
PowerMac: Eight all beef patties, special sauce ... you get the picture. ;)

Power Supply: Cheesy eighties rock band famous for the hit "I can't function without your lovin'"

Pixel: Tiny little man who lives inside the computer.
 
SCSI: Die-hard mac user who never showers.

Modem: Ancient device that allowed pre-historic computer users to access the internet at the speed of the common land turtle.

Xserve: Excellent tennis serve.

Final Cut: What every wife that found out the husband was cheating wants to do.

Final Cut Pro: Loranna Bobbit

Apple Care: Monthly wash, wax, and polish.

Pentium: See snail.

Snail: Slow, inefficent creature.

Jaguar: Cat who eats Cows for breakfast, then busts through windows and attack the Gates-farmer for desert.

Quicktime: Male in need of Viagra or other medicine for personal problem, see before mentioned Hardware, Software, Firmware.
 
Megapixel: Similar to pixel, Tiny little man who lives inside the computer, but works out constantly with a Bowflex machine.

Gigaflop: 250 pound person in diving (belly-flop) contest.

Teraflop: 500 pound person in diving (belly-flop) contest.

Petraflop: Rosanne in diving (belly-flop) contest.

UNIX: New brand of ultra powerfull, fast, dependable, stable, secure car. Think Hummer meets BMW meets Rolls Royce meets F18 meets Ft. Knox.

LINUX: Similar to UNIX, but less refined and can be found for free. Think Chevy Truck meets Cadillac meets P52 Mustang meets Pentagon.

Switch: Action that when done will cause a major relief of stress, increase productivity, and make the world a safer, more secure, and better place.

Bill Gates: Lucifer, Satan, The Dark Angel. Also, see Pond Scum.
 
Linux: Having read all the information, its obviously got something to do with ... err ... militant penguins invading and overthrowing Microsoft. Weird.

Man Pages: Software for organising all the smut that's in your hard-drive.

Hard Drive: He he he ... :p Too obvious!

Carbon: That gunk that gets stuck inside those mice with the little ball thingy.

Carbonised: What Jabba the Hutt did to Han Solo.

Titanium: When it was released it was the largest laptop ever. On its maiden voyage across the Atlantic, though, it hit an iceberg and sank. (Some historians suggest it might have sunk anyway)

17-inch PowerBook: Makes any PC-Laptop users in the vicinity feel very inadequate. See the article "Does Size Matter?" in the girly magazine database.
 
iMac: The first internet ready cheeseburger.

iMovie: How a caveman says he was once in a movie.

iPod: That thing C-3PO and R2-D2 rode to Tatooine in Episode IV.

Pencil: Snail Word.

Firewire: The fuse on fireworks.

Photoshop: Kinkos.

17-inch Powerbook: High-tech lunch-tray.


this is fun:D
 
Original iMac - can be supersized for a complete dining experience.
USB Hub - name of the next space station
Plug and Play - kinky bondage stuff
Appleworks - Well, it does, doesn't it? App that puts an end to the rumors that microsoft works.
OS 9 (classic) - An obscure scifi movie that maintains a cult following to this day
Applications - Needed to avoid unemployment and seek Jobs. Seeking Jobs is full time work for some apple fans
Finder - Native American who has been tracking Jobs for years. Seems to always be one second short of catching up to him.
Application Switcher - previously sought Gates, but is now looking for Jobs.
Dock - Good place to find fresh fish, cheap beer and even cheaper women.
Toast - 1) good with butter and jam 2) what what M$ illegally attempts to make all its competitors
 
Appleworks - Well, it does, doesn't it? App that puts an end to the rumors that microsoft works.


lol ed... THIS one cracked me up the most :) -- I need to think of some good ones -- you guys are having all the fun -- I will make my come back with newton ones ;)
 
USB: The new revised version of the USA corrects several bugs and security holes in the previous country.

Seriously, Ed, your definition of 'Applications' cracked me up... :D
 
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