Dear macosx.com Therapist,
- Thread starter Trip
- Start date
Flirting vs. Talking?
I'm going to be a bit of a rude boy here (but I'm allowed, it's our manhood we're talking about) and say this:
If you want to get with the chick it's flirting, if you want to get the study assignment it's talking. If you find yourself not knowing what to say next or feel like you should throw in some "cool" one-liners here and there, it's flirting. If at any moment you find yourself thinking of any excuse to go talk to someone else it's talking.
Turning on your "radar" to tell if a girl is talking or flirting, observe the following within the conversation:
1. Is she talking about things that she would talk about with anyone (generic questions) or is she asking you things about yourself?
2. Does she go out of her way to speak with you?
3. Does she make eye-contact?
4. Does she have her hand on your knee?
5. Does she have "the look"?
If the answer to all of these questions is YES, by all means RUN AWAY.
If, however, you can only answer "yes" to a few of these questions, then you're "in the game" and should pursue it as much as you like, this would indeed be flirting.
If the answer is "no" to all of these questions, the girl "ain't all that anyway" and should be kicked to the curb.
Happy Hunting
I'm going to be a bit of a rude boy here (but I'm allowed, it's our manhood we're talking about) and say this:
If you want to get with the chick it's flirting, if you want to get the study assignment it's talking. If you find yourself not knowing what to say next or feel like you should throw in some "cool" one-liners here and there, it's flirting. If at any moment you find yourself thinking of any excuse to go talk to someone else it's talking.
Turning on your "radar" to tell if a girl is talking or flirting, observe the following within the conversation:
1. Is she talking about things that she would talk about with anyone (generic questions) or is she asking you things about yourself?
2. Does she go out of her way to speak with you?
3. Does she make eye-contact?
4. Does she have her hand on your knee?
5. Does she have "the look"?
If the answer to all of these questions is YES, by all means RUN AWAY.
If, however, you can only answer "yes" to a few of these questions, then you're "in the game" and should pursue it as much as you like, this would indeed be flirting.
If the answer is "no" to all of these questions, the girl "ain't all that anyway" and should be kicked to the curb.
Happy Hunting
Trip
Registered
You probably won't know this, because people are different, but still: if she talks to me about not being able to date people she hangs out with...
Today i had a conversation with her about the upcoming dance, i said i couldn't find anybody who wasn't taken yet and she said she wasn't. It went on from there. I think she wanted me to ask her...but i couldn't get up the nerve.
Today i had a conversation with her about the upcoming dance, i said i couldn't find anybody who wasn't taken yet and she said she wasn't. It went on from there. I think she wanted me to ask her...but i couldn't get up the nerve.
edX
mac shaman
trip - if a girl tells you she hasn't been asked to the dance after what you just said, she is practically asking you to ask her right then. pick up the phone and call her. ask her. if she says no, i'll make you a supermoderator for a week's trial basis.
do it before somebody else does!!!
do it before somebody else does!!!
edX
mac shaman
do it this weekend sometime. ask first, plan later. no since in making plans and having something go wrong like somebody else ask her while you're planning. girls like to get calls. face to face is fine, but girls like it when they know you made a special effort just to talk to them - about anything. that is if they like you and it sounds like she does. just don't start planning your life with her yet. one thing at a time.
Yeah - what Ed said!
Seriously, forget about all the rest of the details - if worse comes to worse you can at least hang out with her, which to me was never a bad thing.
I'v ended up kicking myself for thinking too much about it (I do that A LOT!), What's the worst than can happen? If it does not work out - at least you tried and you won't kick yourself after!
Put it this way, I found the girl of my dreams - she litterally walked out of my dreams and into my life! We ended up dating...
But because of stupid me thinking too much, she left back home (foreigner) and married someone else!
I kicked myself for that one for a good long time... :/
Seriously, forget about all the rest of the details - if worse comes to worse you can at least hang out with her, which to me was never a bad thing.
I'v ended up kicking myself for thinking too much about it (I do that A LOT!), What's the worst than can happen? If it does not work out - at least you tried and you won't kick yourself after!
Put it this way, I found the girl of my dreams - she litterally walked out of my dreams and into my life! We ended up dating...
But because of stupid me thinking too much, she left back home (foreigner) and married someone else!
I kicked myself for that one for a good long time... :/
edX
mac shaman
boy, the more ithought about it the more i think sogni has some great advice there.
if, on the off hand half of a chance she says no, be sure to listen to how she says no. is it a "sorry, i've gotta wash my hair that nite" or "thanks, but i think i'll wait for a better offer" kind of no, OR is it a "hmm, i'm not sure i'd feel comfortable at the dance" or "that's not really my kind of thing" kind of no? if it's the first, then just forget ever being more than friends. be glad you found out and move on. if it's the latter, be prepared with other suggestions of something you could do as a "date". even if it's only talking on the phone that nite cause neither of you drive. sometimes a matter of getting a yes, is simply putting the question the right way. a girl who says "no, i don't want to go to the dance" could still say "yes, i'd like to do something else together."
edX
mac shaman
hey Macluv - he's 15. give him a break. hell, he's braver than iwas at that age just by asking for advice about it. i was so scared to ask the girl i liked out when i was 17 that i dated her best friend for a month before i finally admitted who i really liked and she helped hook me up. the friend had kinda figured it out already when i was hesitant to kiss her good nite.
lol... no I know man... ahhhhhh... i only said that to contrast the massive amount of analysis that was being put forth to the lad... i suppose by the time he digests it all trip will be 30!
Like the nike ads say: JUST DO IT!
<women aren't the mystery you think they are, and one day you'll wish they were>
Like the nike ads say: JUST DO IT!
<women aren't the mystery you think they are, and one day you'll wish they were>Originally posted by edX
hey Macluv - he's 15. give him a break. hell, he's braver than iwas at that age just by asking for advice about it. i was so scared to ask the girl i liked out when i was 17 that i dated her best friend for a month before i finally admitted who i really liked and she helped hook me up. the friend had kinda figured it out already when i was hesitant to kiss her good nite.
lol... ed this cracks me up dude... lol... the ol "backdoor routine" !!!!!!!!! *totally*
BTW-- i can totally relate of course, i didn't start dating seriously until I was about 18... i was a late bloomer... of course that doesn't mean I didn't like girls... I had crushes on chicks since I was like, in the third grade.
One time to impress a girl I rearranged the letters on the giant school marquee to ask her out on a date. People weren't into text messaging at the time (no cell phones back then) so I doubt she could really understand my message. My friends made fun of me for months.
I remember the first time I asked a girl out for a date to the roller skating rink. She said "yes" at first but later sent me a note in class about "just being friends". I was crushed, but let's say one must live and learn. Later on in life she became a babe and totally dug me, but I moved away and had the last goodbye. Life is a strange thing sometimes... lol
Shifting
re-align
Originally posted by edX
hell, he's braver than iwas at that age just by asking for advice about it. i was so scared to ask the girl i liked out when i was 17 that i dated her best friend for a month before i finally admitted who i really liked and she helped hook me up. the friend had kinda figured it out already when i was hesitant to kiss her good nite.
i totally hear you there Ed. i was 19 when i started my first real relationship, and i had no idea what to do....lucky for me my first G/F had infinite patience & understand with me. those first times are tough.
so how goes it with the woman, Trip? sorry i completely forgot about this thread, and i'm too lazy to read it all.
Trip
Registered
Well I think i already told Ed this but: i didn't ask her out, and i think her and i are fine being friends. Honestly i don't want to go anywhere else with this individual. On the otherhand there is a certain lady i would like to move on with, but we don't talk much. We talk probably once everyother week. Although we do say 'hi' often to eachother.
My question for tonight (i could really use a mature response by tomorrow morning) is: what's a good conversation starter for a person like this? I can't seem of anything to say! And if she's with friends should i risk embarassing myself?
My question for tonight (i could really use a mature response by tomorrow morning) is: what's a good conversation starter for a person like this? I can't seem of anything to say! And if she's with friends should i risk embarassing myself?
Shifting
re-align
Trip, dunno if i can help.
my own game revolves around being up front from the get-go.
for example, the girl i met last week. i obviously showed her i liked her from the start. and she responded in kind, and i'm gonna see her again tomorrow.
but that can't work for your situation. but i still prescribe the same. let her know you're interested. and if she responds to it, so much the better. and if she doesn't....her loss. life is too short to have regrets.
my advice is in no way perfect, it's tailored for ME dealing with the local bar scene. so keep that in mind. but no matter what, remember that you HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE.
good luck to the both of us.
my own game revolves around being up front from the get-go.
for example, the girl i met last week. i obviously showed her i liked her from the start. and she responded in kind, and i'm gonna see her again tomorrow.
but that can't work for your situation. but i still prescribe the same. let her know you're interested. and if she responds to it, so much the better. and if she doesn't....her loss. life is too short to have regrets.
my advice is in no way perfect, it's tailored for ME dealing with the local bar scene. so keep that in mind. but no matter what, remember that you HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE.
good luck to the both of us.