The Random Quotes Thread
- Thread starter Bluefusion
- Start date
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A typical class in high school: show up, get rid of your homework, get new homework, leave.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
(on a lecturer's door): The probability of finding me in this office is inversely proportional to the magnitude of your urgency.
Universities are places of knowledge. The freshman each bring a little in with them, and the seniors take none away, so it accumulates.
It has been said that the primary function of schools is to impart enough facts to make children stop asking questions. Some, with whom the schools do not succeed, become scientists. - Knut Schmidt-Nielson
"I don't mind if you sleep in class. Only, please do not snore. You are disturbing others who are trying to sleep." - Dr. C. Rao, UW-Whitewater
Black holes were created when God divided by 0.
"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." - Carl Sagan
I like angles, but only to a degree.
Scientists have shown that the moon is moving away at a tiny yet measurable distance from the earth every year. If you do the math, you can calculate that 85 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth's surface. This would explain the death of the dinosaurs. The tallest ones, anyway.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
If the Earth is the size of a pea in New York, then the Sun is a beachball 50m away, Pluto is 4km away, and the next nearest star is in Tokyo. Now shrink Pluto's orbit into a coffee cup, then our Milky Way Galaxy fills North America.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Photons have mass!? I didn't even know they were Catholic...
When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat. The two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth's rotation, we were all speeding.
A red sign on the door of a physics professor: 'If this sign is blue, you're going too fast.
Little Johnny was a scientist. Little Johnny is no more. For what he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
Be nice to the nerds and geeks in high school- you'll be working for them in the future.
If someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them in the head.
Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
If you and your friend are being chased by a grizzly bear, don't worry about out-running the bear, just worry about out-running your friend.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
If you are going to walk on thin ice you might as well dance.
The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits.
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Tune in tomorrow for more funniness...maybe...
A typical class in high school: show up, get rid of your homework, get new homework, leave.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
(on a lecturer's door): The probability of finding me in this office is inversely proportional to the magnitude of your urgency.
Universities are places of knowledge. The freshman each bring a little in with them, and the seniors take none away, so it accumulates.
It has been said that the primary function of schools is to impart enough facts to make children stop asking questions. Some, with whom the schools do not succeed, become scientists. - Knut Schmidt-Nielson
"I don't mind if you sleep in class. Only, please do not snore. You are disturbing others who are trying to sleep." - Dr. C. Rao, UW-Whitewater
Black holes were created when God divided by 0.
"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." - Carl Sagan
I like angles, but only to a degree.
Scientists have shown that the moon is moving away at a tiny yet measurable distance from the earth every year. If you do the math, you can calculate that 85 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth's surface. This would explain the death of the dinosaurs. The tallest ones, anyway.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
If the Earth is the size of a pea in New York, then the Sun is a beachball 50m away, Pluto is 4km away, and the next nearest star is in Tokyo. Now shrink Pluto's orbit into a coffee cup, then our Milky Way Galaxy fills North America.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Photons have mass!? I didn't even know they were Catholic...
When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat. The two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth's rotation, we were all speeding.
A red sign on the door of a physics professor: 'If this sign is blue, you're going too fast.
Little Johnny was a scientist. Little Johnny is no more. For what he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
Be nice to the nerds and geeks in high school- you'll be working for them in the future.
If someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them in the head.
Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
If you and your friend are being chased by a grizzly bear, don't worry about out-running the bear, just worry about out-running your friend.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
If you are going to walk on thin ice you might as well dance.
The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits.
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Tune in tomorrow for more funniness...maybe...
nkuvu
Gone
There are a lot of error messages in Haiku. These are some of my favorites:
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
Errors have occurred.
We won't tell you where or why.
Lazy programmers.
No keyboard present
Hit F1 to continue
Zen engineering?
Printer not ready.
Could be a fatal error.
Have a pen handy?
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
Server's poor response
Not quick enough for browser.
Timed out, plum blossom.
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
Errors have occurred.
We won't tell you where or why.
Lazy programmers.
No keyboard present
Hit F1 to continue
Zen engineering?
Printer not ready.
Could be a fatal error.
Have a pen handy?
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
Server's poor response
Not quick enough for browser.
Timed out, plum blossom.
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that
Lessthanmighty
A never ending cycle...
I just gotta know scope.... where do you get all these? They are great!
I have to go through training at work... its call Super High Intensity Training. The leader is called a S.H.I.T. head.
I have to go through training at work... its call Super High Intensity Training. The leader is called a S.H.I.T. head.
Lessthanmighty
A never ending cycle...
I dont know what happened here? I think we need listerine... i mean... mouthwash.... I mean, SCOPE back. Those were good. I cant beleive he ran out already.
I, myself, am not funny. So there is nothing I could put here of value. So just do something in here... it was just getting good.
I, myself, am not funny. So there is nothing I could put here of value. So just do something in here... it was just getting good.
bighairydog
tail-wagging member
Bertrand Russel said some of the best quotes. These are my favourite 2.
)
Bernie
)Yes, I've always liked Bertrand Russell too.
Here are a couple more:
"The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."
"Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education."
and my personal favorite:
"I've always thought respectable people scoundrels, and I look anxiously at my face every morning for signs of my becoming a scoundrel."
Here are a couple more:
"The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."
"Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education."
and my personal favorite:
"I've always thought respectable people scoundrels, and I look anxiously at my face every morning for signs of my becoming a scoundrel."
bighairydog
tail-wagging member
He He - nice ones
Then there's the quote in my sig.
Most of the good quotes I know are anti some group of people / school of thought, so I'll refrain ;o)
Bernie)
Then there's the quote in my sig.
Most of the good quotes I know are anti some group of people / school of thought, so I'll refrain ;o)
Bernie
)These are for you, Lessthanmighty...call ME listerine, will ya?!
You know, you could have been prevented for a quarter.
The wheel is still spinning, but the hamster is dead...
When God was giving out brains you thought he said 'trains' and you missed yours.
You couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date!
While he is not dumber than an ox, he's not appreciably smarter either.
You have the people skills of a belt sander!
Hey! Quit hogging all the ugly!
You may have a point there, but if you part your hair different, no one would see.
If my dog looked as ugly as you, I'd shave its butt & teach it to walk backwards!
May your life be like toilet paper - long and useful.
You're a few Bradys short of a bunch
A few sandwiches short of a picnic, aren't we?
Everyone is entitled to be stupid but you're abusing the privilege.
If your head were any harder, you could cut glass with it.
He's as sharp as a beach ball.
We're having creative differences. I'm creative, you're different.
She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the JuneFlower.
Stupidity does not qualify as a handicap, park elsewhere!
Hey, you've got something ugly on your shoulders.
Don't talk about yourself so much... we'll do that when you leave.
You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks you're a jerk.
You're more unprepared than a vegetarian at a state barbecue.
People would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
Your about as slow as a turtle crawling through peanut butter.
I'd like to see things your way, but I'm not sure if I can stick my head that far up my ass.
You're about as bright as a burned out light bulb in a dark room.
It's hard to believe you out-swam a million other sperm.
If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
If I was 10 times smarter than you, I'd be a moron!
Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
We've Upped Our Quality, So Up Yours!
Why are you here, and what can I do to change that?
Just because your head is pointed doesn't mean you're sharp.
I would engage you in a battle of wits but I refuse to duel with an unarmed person.
You're not getting old; you're getting... well, at least, I don't see how you could possibly get any older.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
We're not laughing AT you, we're laughing WITH you. Now, if you'd just start laughing, the whole concept would fall right into place.
If your parents got a divorce would they still be brother and sister?
If I was in a room with you and two werewolves and I had a gun with two silver bullets, I'd shoot you, twice.
HAH! What do you think of that?
You know, you could have been prevented for a quarter.
The wheel is still spinning, but the hamster is dead...
When God was giving out brains you thought he said 'trains' and you missed yours.
You couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date!
While he is not dumber than an ox, he's not appreciably smarter either.
You have the people skills of a belt sander!
Hey! Quit hogging all the ugly!
You may have a point there, but if you part your hair different, no one would see.
If my dog looked as ugly as you, I'd shave its butt & teach it to walk backwards!
May your life be like toilet paper - long and useful.
You're a few Bradys short of a bunch
A few sandwiches short of a picnic, aren't we?
Everyone is entitled to be stupid but you're abusing the privilege.
If your head were any harder, you could cut glass with it.
He's as sharp as a beach ball.
We're having creative differences. I'm creative, you're different.
She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the JuneFlower.
Stupidity does not qualify as a handicap, park elsewhere!
Hey, you've got something ugly on your shoulders.
Don't talk about yourself so much... we'll do that when you leave.
You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks you're a jerk.
You're more unprepared than a vegetarian at a state barbecue.
People would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
Your about as slow as a turtle crawling through peanut butter.
I'd like to see things your way, but I'm not sure if I can stick my head that far up my ass.
You're about as bright as a burned out light bulb in a dark room.
It's hard to believe you out-swam a million other sperm.
If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
If I was 10 times smarter than you, I'd be a moron!
Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
We've Upped Our Quality, So Up Yours!
Why are you here, and what can I do to change that?
Just because your head is pointed doesn't mean you're sharp.
I would engage you in a battle of wits but I refuse to duel with an unarmed person.
You're not getting old; you're getting... well, at least, I don't see how you could possibly get any older.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
We're not laughing AT you, we're laughing WITH you. Now, if you'd just start laughing, the whole concept would fall right into place.
If your parents got a divorce would they still be brother and sister?
If I was in a room with you and two werewolves and I had a gun with two silver bullets, I'd shoot you, twice.
HAH! What do you think of that?
Bluefusion
Into the Breach
My English teacher gives me some of the best quotes... divibisan will attest to this. These are all direct from the English area:
"I like your thinking... you're wrong."
"I thought, murder, ambition, treachery... you know, the things kids can relate to."
"That would be a good answer, if it wasn't for the fact that it's totally, completely, ridiculously wrong."
"Oh, getting creative again, I see? Well, if this gets any more exciting I'll have to throw you out of my class."
"No, no, no. You're thinking of the chicken."
"And he thinks, ahhh, this is bad, this is my birthday, I really shouldn't be dying on my birthday."
"It wasn't held against her, that she was standing on her head."
"I'd love to have you here, D.M., but this isn't your class. These aren't your people. I can't help you anymore..."
"And of course, one always wonders if the people who printed this book were as stupid as they sounded."
These are all direct from the English area:"I like your thinking... you're wrong."
"I thought, murder, ambition, treachery... you know, the things kids can relate to."
"That would be a good answer, if it wasn't for the fact that it's totally, completely, ridiculously wrong."
"Oh, getting creative again, I see? Well, if this gets any more exciting I'll have to throw you out of my class."
"No, no, no. You're thinking of the chicken."
"And he thinks, ahhh, this is bad, this is my birthday, I really shouldn't be dying on my birthday."
"It wasn't held against her, that she was standing on her head."
"I'd love to have you here, D.M., but this isn't your class. These aren't your people. I can't help you anymore..."
"And of course, one always wonders if the people who printed this book were as stupid as they sounded."
Lessthanmighty
A never ending cycle...
Thank you all. Keep'em coming.
Especially you LISTERINE... oh sorry... I mean SCOPE.
Especially you LISTERINE... oh sorry... I mean SCOPE.
Bluefusion
Into the Breach
Div, that is the quote direct from my notes He said "I like your thinking... you're wrong. Well, I sort of see what you mean." but it sounds better if you leave that out
He said "I like your thinking... you're wrong. Well, I sort of see what you mean." but it sounds better if you leave that out